Letter To The Editor

Dear sir, allow me to say
That your column offended me today
Such poor taste in words, short and long
Burning my eyes with your views oh so wrong
Hire a teacher for your woeful attempts
Or maybe just quit, that would be heaven sent
Cruel it may sound, but true to the core
You're making my reading the papers a bore

All I Want

That feeling you get
When you're a part
Of something so good

Inside, it's what I crave
So please hear me?

Could I join the game
Or is it already full?
More people aren't welcome
Perhaps next time I may
Again my company is all I have
Not much, I know, but it'll do
Yet I still just want to be included

[Three's a crowd. What's four?]

God Cries

See the rain
It's the tears
Shed for me
Falling for you
Hear the thunder
It's the voice
Calling for me
Soothing the hurt
Feel the lightning
Uh-oh

Parental Guidance

Warning: The following content
Involves the abuse of various
People and their minds, followed
By gross overexaggeration of
The false truth told by a liar
Who promised to tell the truth.
What. Utter. Nonsense?

Darker Than Black

Best leave the light off
Let the shadows scream
As we sit or lie here
Clasping hands now
Killing hours till dawn

Last words not enough
In this quiet scene
Give me reason clear
Heavy-eyed now
Till the early morn

Can you
Only you
Never let
Vision set
Even when
Reality then
Steals away
All our days
Talk to me
In here
Only here
Not there
Say it now

[Shush]

Track Twenty-Nine

If you came from China and you wanted to go on a holiday to a really exotic and different place, you wouldn't exactly go to Beijing or Shanghai would you? Not for a holiday, surely. Perhaps Hawaii! Yeah, Hawaii sounds good, it's a CHANGE, something that's completely DIFFERENT, am I right?

Welcome to the Window. I'm here in another country, where I was hopeful to escape a lifestyle that I would face upon returning home. On the contrary, life is just about as uneventful, unentertaining, and depressing... especially in the areas where I needed the change. I'm not saying life at home sucks, but I'm not saying it's fantastic either. I'm saying that I needed the change, like a medication if you will, but it never came. Back home, it gets pretty lonely, and here? Well, at the worst of times I may as well have stayed back home.

There are a few things which provide a slight upside though. I'm treated with a little more maturity, so I feel a little more my age instead of a mummy's boy (the irony's killing me). Cheap shopping is the other plus, except it's a tad expensive when you have no money left.

The final positive aspect? Well, I'll leave that for you to figure out. It'll be really blatantly obvious, so smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

DNA

Diary of a deluded
Naiive, negligent no-hope
Asshole for short

Four Letter Word

Laughing at you
Yes you, you poor fool
What did you say to me?
Using that explosive word?
You're a funny one, you are
Naughty language, shame!
Haha, I'll tell your mother
She'll kick your ass

My my, aren't we all so mature.

Falling Upward

This bright night, I fell awake
And saw the stars in the clear blue sky
Kept my eyes closed open, sleep fake
Enterd me into immortality to die

Move over, sun, my moon is late
Yesterday you stole his fate

See, rhyming is easy as pie
Let your mind and heart collide
Even if you lose your sanity
Establish what counts, your vanity!
Prove to me that I need sleep, go on.

[Delirium is bloody bliss.]

A Few Days Too Many

Sometimes you really want to question
Who exactly it is, you want to call your friend
Sometimes, when you disappear for a while
Who comes looking for you, those you treasure?
Sometimes it's those you least expect to miss you
Who are the ones to bother calling your number
Sometimes these events cause you to really think
Who ou want around you when you're in need
Never will you hear your "friend's" confessions
You can beg all you want, they'll remain shut till you end
Never think they'll talk, just know their lie
You should be able to recognise their error
Never rgret your decisions, both false and true
You will, one day, but don't let it get you under
Never was when you thought you might sink
You be careful, the day's coming when for help you'll plead

Two Plus Two

Fool of the world
Only you'll know
Underneath this sky
Rest comes to none

Kleptomanic Depression

Shouldn't this give me the kick
It usually does, or is it not worth it?
Maybe it needs to be bigger, better
Anything, I'm just desperate to nick
A little something here, a small trinket
Just something to give along with this letter
My prescription for help, a desperation
Only a shrink can help cure, believe me
They'll get into my mind, tell me what's wrong
Perhaps provide me with some revelation
Help me know the depth of my deeds
And maybe, just for the laughs...
I'll write my story into a song.

[Hahaha. That kills me, it really does.]

Criss Cross

Ex marks the spot
Ex marks your skin
Ex marks my lips
Tracing within

Bipolar

Perhaps I'll start this ordinary day
in a smile of drugged self-control
Leave one half behind, locked away
Lover of the hell which could unfold

This is how I have to live this life
Obsessed with freedom, suppressed to survive

Kill the slow hours with some work
Especially when the mind slips, weak
Every breath counts, the control hurts
Pent up stress slowly building, relief seek

Maybe this glass will help me
Even though I know hell will unleash

Slowly, the bonds break, get ready
As the fun begins, life looks great
Nothing can stop me now, I said get ready!
Enough! Let the fucking mind games begin!

Interpretatio Misunderstanding

What did you say
Those quiet words
That slipped away
I never heard

Maybe my mind
Can't recognise
So just rewind
Say that short line

Crowded House

There's that feeling
You're the one not wanted
"Two's company, three's a crowd"?
What trash, pure utter trash
The crowd only happens
When you try to join a unit
You're the one not wanted
That spare piece of puzzle
Individually, they're not so bad
As a whole, well things change
You're the one not wanted
Maybe you should go off
Just make your own damn group
A crew for your very own
No one likes the feeling
Of being alone in a crowded room
No one.


[Can I join in?]

Scream

Raise some voice above
That hellish noise to love
Addiction, drugs fall short
No cure was ever caught
Slip a gag over my mouth
Or else I won't stop this shout
It just gets louder here
So just move, move damn it

Back In The Day

I liked to watch the sky go round
Count all those pointless clouds
Finding the perfect dream
Was all life ever seemed

That's what life was like
In those simple times
Now all I have tonight
Are my simple rhymes

Back in the day
I had a dream
But it didn't last
To see this day

One Day On A Rainbow

That's what one day with you is like
That's what spending an hour with you is like
That's what seeing you is like
That's what hearing your voice is like

It's a day in the sunshine
A day without rain
Something I dream of
Without you, I'm not the same

Wait for me.
Soon, very soon, we'll join the bluebirds.

Photograph

Maybe it's just a snapshot
Even so, it lasts a lifetime
Much longer than my memory does
Oh that's for sure, much longer
Realisation's slowly setting in
Yesterday I left, today I arrived, tomorrow...

[Well, tomorrow I'll be home. In your arms. Finally]

Tipsy

Isn't it sad
How this is
The first time
In so many days
I've been so
So completely happy

Maybe it's got
Something to do
With how much
I miss you
Yeah, that sounds
Just about right

Pass me another one
I'll drown my sadness
If it's
The last
Thing I
Do

I miss you

Broken Shoes

Walked all the way here
From the time when I wasn't so near
I'm tired now, just a little bit
Don't say a word, it'll make me want to quit
Half way here I got lost
My map was torn from bottom to top
So I tried to thumb a ride
No one saw me standing on the side

But I'm here now, that's all that matters
Right?

Tired Of Television

I'll stare at that glowing screen
Simply wondering if maybe
If maybe I stare for long enough
And focus on the thought of you
I'll see you in that screen
Just for a split second? No, not
Now, not ever, it's just a delirious
Anonymous dream I had last night
I'm sick of this glowing screen
It hurts my eyes.

I'm not crying,
The screen hurts my eyes,
That's all

Three Days Behind

I don't know whether this is the first
Or the last of many falters
All I'm sure of, so very sure of
Is that I got caught up in the past

Fall With Me

You'd hold my hand right?
Trust me to keep you safe
Well, look down, way down
We can't see the bottom
The other side is only just
A few short metres away
But I don't want to cross
This chance has come now
Fly or fall with me, either way
You'd hold my hand right?

[Right?]

Still Life

Have to wait another month
Only thirty days more from tonight
Listening to the hours run
Days missing my left in your right

Missing the smallest five point star
You'll never be too far

Heavy eyelids in the sun
As you turn your head into mine
Now just feel my pulse
Doesn't it flow for you?

Chapter Seven

I closed the front door of my house quietly, then leaned back against the wall. That name. I'd never heard such a beautiful name before. Mind in a daze, I slowly shuffled up the stairs to my bedroom. I just couldn't stop thinking about that name! Finally, the face had a name, and now it was plaguing my mind just as badly.

Zahra. When you look at it, it doesn't seem like much. When she said it though, that was something magical. The air was alive with electricity, her voice sent thousands of sparks running through my body, all the way to my fingertips. I know, stereotypical metaphorical garbage, but a better way to describe the feeling I will never find.

Zahra. The name that changed. Everything.

Five Minutes Away

I'm close to you
So close
And yet I'm far from you
So far, so very far
Music can't save me
From the thought of you
Soon I'll be gone
Where'll you be?

Story

I had a friend who forgot his name
Not because he had the choice
But because he just wanted to escape
Block out the past and the present noise
One day he got a gun, loaded it up
With bullets he'd made from soldering lead
Held it in his right hand, a letter in left
Closed his eyes, lifted the gun to his head

[Story? That's the end.]

Click Click

Slip one into the chamber
Just one is all I'll need
Lock it back in position
Knock back the hammer
Finger wrapped around
The trigger.

Click. Click. Boom.

Tickle Your Fancy

What'll it be, let me ask you this
As we begin this silent night of bliss
Perhaps a quiet tune to start us off
Followed by the waltz, send spirits aloft
Do simple riffs embrace your ear
Or is it the complex you're craving to hear
Whatever you need, I'll play it for you
On this silent night of bliss, in a sea of dark blue

Brother [A Dedication]

There was no one stronger
Not in my world, anyway
No one who would live longer
Watch out for me everyday
Hold my hand when I cried
Make me laugh when I fell
Set me straight all this while
Have my back, never tell

We spent so many days
Just wasting our sweet time
Always found so many ways
To make most of the sunshine
Fight? Yes we did, of course
But that's brotherhood for you
Between us there's a force
Unbreakable, believe it's true

So now I sit here beside you
In this steel chair all alone
Waiting for you to wake up soon
Hoping that you can come home
I'll sit here beside you
So long spent here all alone
Waiting for you to get up soon
Because I need you back home

Rem!cks

When it's quietest, I'll sit here and just waiT
Every word of the day travels down my mind's patH
Let my mind rest, a temporary escapE
Closely look now, as mist fogs up the glass
Only a thin sheet between high and loW
My thin sheet of see-through soul, my cracking alibI
Each sliver of space a scar from lonely time on my owN
This hurts more to say than think, I've come to finD
True, it's taken more than just a minute or sO
Once it's finished, it doesn't sound that bad, you knoW?

Welcome Back

Verse.
We started out as ordinary
Everything was typical
Left out the extraordinary
Conditions became critical

Over the preliminaries
My thoughts got cynical
Even in the heart of these
This was a dying miracle


Bridge.
Onwards now, don't turn your head
Tonight we'll make it to the end


Chorus
Honestly, truthfully
Elevate this simple song
Where the clouds above me
In a sea of blue cruise along
Now just close your eyes
Don't let the light crawl in
Only open them when I
When I come back again


[It's iconic, and it's ironic. Welcome.]

You Found Me - The Fray

V1.
I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, “Where you been?”
He said, “Ask anything.”

V2.
Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Chorus.
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

V3.
In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who’s ever known
Who I am
Who I’m not, and who I want to be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

Chorus.
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

Bridge.
Early morning
The city breaks
I’ve been calling
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve
Taking all I want

Chorus.
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you, where were you?

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, You found me

Why’d you have to wait
To find me, to find me?

Don't You Just Want To?

Cut loose, scream your heart out
Get wild, breathe, stretch, shake
Let it go BOOM once again for the crowd
Just how much can they take?
As much as you can give, so get it up
Click clack, heart attack, stop it start it
Yeah baby, keep pumping out the blood
From the bottom of your heart, beat it

It pulses. Flows. Heart beat. Boom.

Going Somewhere?

Half a foot over the edge
Contemplating the next step
To oblivion? Or perhaps turn
Back, to a life of privilege
Where safety smothers secrets kept
And restlessness so eager spurn
Ponder this...

[The step is taken. Forwards.]

Only Beats In The Bars

It starts with one

Then as it grows, so do you
Carried away in it too

Explain it, another time for me
What we all used to be
Hearts roaming, simply free

Now, we all just want more
Another reason for war
To chill your heart's core
Really, what do we fight for

It's a miracle we can survive
In this hell hole, remain alive
Left and right, kill and connive
So ready, we are, to deprive
Anyone so we can thrive

Sell your soul, the last of tricks
To avoid the last of conflicts
Scared right? Such pain it inflicts
Who saw knives in this deadly mix
Work your mind, hear the clicks
That deadly beat to transfix

When the finale comes, what then
Run and hide, like the least of them?
Pray to sun, the skies, heaven
As like leaves fall, so do men
Women, children, once again
Peace? It's coming soon? When?
When a hare survives in fox's den

Step back and speculate
How loud we have become of late
Locked in this mind state
Running away from our fate
You can't block that heavy gate
That stays open in quiet wait
Every minute will simply generate
Just another form of hate

Chinese Whispers

If you could hear me, would you listen to this?

Hopefully you'll understand why I'm here
As the world turns, round and round, we always miss
Very small things, so small, so quiet, even so near
Everyday, these little whispers are spoken to bliss

After all, who needs such useless things

Sigh, breathe, close your eyes, simply imagine
Ears to the wind, eyes wide shut so you can see blindly
Can you hear my voice, read my lips within?
Rain is coming, so is the thunder that crashes so loudly
Electrifying lightning to shadow my face from vision
This is all I wanted to say, look and listen, just look and listen

[Did you hear it?]

Start From Scratch

A is for Apologise, what I should have done a long time ago
B is for Belief, what I lost when the door closed
C is for Call, what I tried to do when you didn't know

One is for the chance you gave to me that night
Two is for the number of times I hurt you in fight
Three is for seconds I had before I had to leave your sight

It's as simple as A B C, One Two Three
Well, that's how it has to be.

Here Here

I'll make a toast
To the one who said
"I have a dream."
And a fine dream it was
Such a pity
We let his dream down

Raise your glass
For he who said
"This is our moment."
The moment that never came
Oh the shame, the shame
We let our moment pass

Drink with me
Just this little cheer
Let's get wasted
For tomorrow
Tomorrow is something else
We just might not make it.

In The Morning

This could be just another way
I'm slinging out these words
Rushing in my mind like rain
Thought of then gone, blurred
Lift me up? No, let me down
Don't get these hopes too high
I can't escape this tired town
Believe me, it's true, I've tried
Mutualism's how we survived
All these damn years, too long
Dry and salty now, tears we cry
To finally know we don't belong
Saddle up the horses, time to leave
Yeah, we're getting lost together
Nowhere, that's where we'll be
It's better that way, far better

[Don't look back. Please don't.]

Freeway: Next Left

Something else is stirring
It's not like I've had it before
Shaking me up inside, it's burning
This feeling, a new turning
In my road, oh it's taking me away

To a place where there's nothing
And yet there's something
This place I found everything
Then lost it in a split second
In my road, oh it's taking me away

Maybe

You move me in ways
No one else can do
You get me crashing
No where to hold on
You pull me to places
No one else has been
You get me so lost
No where to turn to
You push me to limits
No one else could try
You get me choking
No more air to breathe

Yes, I love you
No, I won't ever stop
Yes, I miss you
No, I won't ever stop

Let's Get Gone

Gone somewhere, somewhere I don't know
Underneath this velvet sky with diamond dust
I'll wait for something, something to show
Direct me home, where my heart lies in rust
Even though it's got no one to trust

Maybe this time
Everything will shine

Hold my hand please, don't let go
Only for this one night, please, I'm begging you
My fear is only for you alone to know
Even though you won't listen too

Chapter Six

"How was I wrobu-bu-buh..."
Yes, that's exactly what dribbled out of my mouth when I saw her. Standing there, eyes looking deeply into mine. I actually felt my heart hiccup. She came and lay down next to me, less than half a metre away. My eyes widened with excitement, as it struck me that this girl was actually so close. Okay, it's not that I don't have any girl friends, but let's be honest, they all paled in comparison to this girl, this purely angelic being. Then again, she could be as thick as two short planks, which would just ruin the entire magic of the moment. I decided to find out.
...Once my heart dislodged itself from my throat, having managed to jump all the way up there with the damn hiccup.
"S-s-so it's really that beautiful?" Oh dear, another episode of Casanova lines. She didn't reply immediately, and I turned my head to look at her. Eyes staring straight into the sunset, I could tell she was mesmerised. "Um-"
"Shh!" She cut me off hastily. "I want to see the sun go down, and don't want to miss a second! It's incredible!" The thrill of happiness was ringing in her voice, and that's when she grasped my hand with excitement. I can tell you right now, in all honesty that I almost shook her off with the shock. One minute my hand was lying beside me, fidgeting with my tshirt, the next it was being strangled in the girl's vice-like grip. I probably couldn't have shaken her off anyway, too strong for me.

We stayed like that till the sun disappeared, and darkness flooded the valley. The hill suddenly went from being a golden monument, to a quiet lump in the night.
"Could I get my hand back please?" It took me a little while to realise that the girl was asking me. Wait. What?! She asking me? "I'm pretty sure I should be asking you that, after you grabbed mine so quickly." I said with a wink. Not like she could even see it. Great timing, once again.
"Oh very funny," she threw my hand back at me. We both sat up, sitting in the same position, legs drawn up close to our bodies with arms wrapped around them. Stars began to appear in the already dark sky, like diamond dust cast upon black velvet. This hill was a veritable jewellery shop, with gold by day and precious stones by night.
The silence between us didn't feel empty, and yet it was so loud, almost as if it were drowning out everything else. I tried to think of something to say, but the words wouldn't flow.
"I should probably be heading home." With that, she stood up and began to walk down the hill.
"Wait!" I called after her, and hurriedly scrambled to my feet. She stopped walking, and waited for me to stumble my way over to her. "What's your name by the way? I'm Kason, and I forgot to ask you yours yesterday." At first, she didn't reply but simply looked into my eyes. I waited for the response.
"My name?" She bit her lower lip, and gave a little smile.
"My name is..."

Track Twenty-Eight: Spinning Gears

Mere words are never enough to truly express the identical emotion purging and flooding the mind, and yet as this pen reaches this page everything flows faster than the eye can follow, more emotional than any mind could possibly dream of conceiving. It could take hours on end to till just a page with words, or it could take the space of just a few minutes. What truly drives a mind into the pensive state? Is it insecurities, or perhaps it could be fears, indescribable joys, or just the will to do something completely out of the ordinary. School days pass in a daze, minutes morph into morose and mundane months, yet they manage to steal away more from a person's life than any thief could envisage. Striking when we least expect it to arrive, we life in a state of forged dignity, pushing back any life that seems to hinder our road to personal gains and achievement. I struggle on a daily basis to comprehend why I try to cling to such foolish and materialistic values, in full knowledge of the fact that in only a very short period of time, it can all be taken away from me. Constantly, music is my greatest friend, curling up inside like a melodic ball of confusion to perhaps lull away the pain. Every note that plays pulls a different heart string, trigger and alternative stimulant in my body, and at times drives me to a state of pathetic bewilderment. Matching a tune to the individual needs of every feeling that raids my mind day and night proves to be always easier than I initially imagine. Breathing life into the words of the simple songs I write is always a greatest achievement, never failing to draw a smile of pure satisfaction and happiness. Yet here I am now, wondering whether or not tomorrow may hold a far greater and happier time for this soul, or perhaps another lonely memory, cracked and dry with the drought of yesterdays gone. Mind working at twenty to the dozen, new and refreshed thoughts stockpiled in every second of the years come and gone,

I say to you now,

Welcome To The Window

Mindset Of The Simple

Should missing you hurt this much?
Waiting for the day to turn
Just so I can watch another unfold
Yet again
Without you?

Simply put, I miss your voice and touch
While this paper burns
Jet flames that warm the biting cold
Yet again
Without you.

Saying these lines as such
Won't show what my heart yearns
Jump off this cliff with me, be bold
Yes, again
Just me and you.

Excuse Me...

Have you seen it?
I left it here yesterday
Crying, it was crying
Bleeding, it was bleeding
Don't know why, do you?
Neither did I

Please try find it?
I fixed it here yesterday
Gasping, it was gasping
For air, for breath, for love
Something to keep it alive?
Don't know what, do you?
Neither did I

Don't let it die?
I held it here yesterday
Beating, it was beating
For one, just for one
Purpose? Person? Who?
Don't know who, do you?
Neither did I

Until the shock set in.

[My heart cries, bleeds, gasps, beats for you.]

Beneath The Score

It's not just another line I'll say

Made from words used so much
Instead they're weaved from days
Spent with you, your voice and touch
Seconds were our hours, hand in hand

Yesterday already feels like a week
Of all I have, I'll tell you through this band
Underneath the music, it's you I seek

A Shard Of Your Clock

Look outside, dark as night could get
Soft sound of rain as it hits the ground
In this blackness, what are you thinking of?
Spare a thought for me, just a split second
Listen, you hear that? It's rolling, rolling
Building, rising, roaring, ripping through this night
Louder than anything this world could know
And it's bringing with it just a split second
There! And there, again! Blazing through the sky
Hurtling from heaven at a thousand miles a second
This lightning, offspring of the growling thunder
Crashing consummation, all in a split second

All I want from you is just some lightning with no thunder
Can you spare me this? Just this split second?

Followed

V1.
This isn't just an ordinary song
It's a song I wrote when I heard it
Singing away in my ears
Played on a piano in tears
I tried to see the right side of wrong
Now I'm tired, all I want to do is quit
Stop here, I need to hide fear
The time for my leaving is near

Chorus.
Running, running from this song
This song that just won't stop playing
I've found the place where I belong
I just want to stay, not run when I'm waking
No more escape

V2.
The swell of the sweetest notes
Their rise and crippling, crashing fall
Pulling me back with the tide
Taking me for a ride
I tried to see the words that you wrote
Now I'm tired, I don't want anything at all
Stop here, I have to rewind
The time for me decide

Chorus.
Running, running from this song
This song that just won't stop playing
I've found the place where I belong
I just want to stay, not run when I'm waking
Running, running from you
No more escape

Loosely Tied

Can I show something to yoU
Only this small flaw I've seeN
Making peace impossible to finD
In this state I'm in toO.
No way out, no way iN
Grasping for some escapE

Something I'm Not

Swirling in my veins
Up from deep within
Pushing aside fear
Every scarring pain
Revival begins
Holding more power, clear
Understanding came
My purpose, did bring
All because you're here
Now I'm stronger

[Heartbeat In Me]

Of My Life

Should I just hope for tomorrow
To be a day that I want to remember
Or perhaps my life's path isn't for me to know
Really? After all, it's just another day in November
Yesterday was as well. Sad isn't it?

Track Twenty-Seven

"I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start."

Welcome to the Window. The world is undergoing a state of change. What was once considered taboo is now a leading and empowering reality. We live in a time where this is perhaps a necessity for us to survive, to move forward in unity and stronger than ever. This change is one of the very few positive ones occurring in our dying world. As much as we don't like hearing about it, and as much as it bores us, global warming and the environment around us are on the brink of slapping us back with all the rubbish they've received over the developing centuries. Not only this, war is raged all around us, people die from poverty, starvation, murder and the likes on a daily basis, and so many of us just sit around writing, reading or hearing about it and not really giving a rat's ass.
It's time we got some perspective in our lives.
We may believe that none of this will ever concern us, because "global warming won't really kick our asses in the next century, so by then we'll be dead, and then who cares!" Right? Right?! Um, no, sorry. Wrong. The reality of the situation is that our lives as we know them lie on a hair trigger, the volatility of our positions hardly registering in our frivolous minds though. We fabricate our own outcomes, and at the rate we're producing, we'll smother ourselves in the waste products of these desires.
I know, this may seem like just another one of those articles on "The truth about our planet" or whatever you may read, but unfortunately it really is happening, and going to only get worse if something isn't done.
On the upside, we have the opportunity to now turn to a new leader of the free world, who represents the ultimate in change, and perhaps, the chance to begin reparations. Smile, I've heard he's a cool guy =]

Take it easy everyone.

Chapter Five

Thanks to a ridiculous amount of work my teachers lovingly decided to hand out, I was distracted enough to forget about the incident that occurred in the morning. However, as the day drew to a close, I remembered that the odds of me seeing the girl were considerably high, seeing as she lived less than thirty metres from my bedroom. When the final bell rang for the day, I gathered up my books and headed to my locker to meet Troy.Once we'd gotten our bags, we set off for the walk home, talking about the stupidity of our english topics. Troy was mid-rant when the girl from yesterday and this morning's incident pushed past us without so much as a by-your-leave. I was slightly peeved, so I called out after her.
"Hey where's the damn fire?" She whipped her head around to look at me, and as my eyes met her gaze I saw the glimmer of tears in hers. Shock was still registering in my mind as she turned back to face the front and walked off. Troy hadn't seemed to notice, and as my surprise slowly diminished, I caught the last of Troy's lecture: "... and that's why love is like an egg, get it?"
"Sure, sure, whatever you say man." Egg? What the hell was he on about? We continued to walk on, with Troy beginning a new speech on how maths should die. To me, his words went in one ear and straight out the other. My mind was too busy thinking. Yes, again about the girl. I think I might have a slight problem.

When we arrived at our street, I said goodbye to Troy and headed towards my house. I looked hopefully towards the end of the road, hoping to see the silhouette from yesterday, but it wasn't there. Not wanting to go home just yet, I walked up to the top of the grassy hill, lay down on the grass and stared at the horizon. It was a picture perfect moment, something not unlike what you would find on the back of a stereotypical postcard. A few birds skittered across the now golden with sunset sky, and their piercing calls hung in the air. I savoured the moment, perfect peace settled upon me, and I began to doze off. Nothing could make this scene better. Nothing.
Just as my eyelids shut, a familiar voice cut through my reverie.
"You were wrong." What? "It's more beautiful than anywhere in this world, not just the country." I turned around as my answer tumbled from my lips.
"But how was I wro..." the sentence trailed away, as I found myself looking once again into the most beautiful brown eyes.
Heart failure anyone?

Midnight

Zephyrs of dark blue
Entrance eyes tonight
Reeling away with you
On this hour so quiet

Finally

Yesterday I searched the earth
Only to find emptiness
Underneath and above

Was every step a waste?
Every breath taken in vain?
Releasing the realisation
Easing into the loneliness

If I have to wait here
More than time can survive
Pushing through the years
Oh, I would fight to stay alive
Struggle for every minute
Simply to find what I need
In my life, this quietness I live in
Bowed in prayer, silently plead
Let me find it before darkness comes
Evening light brings the cold

These failing lights casts shadows
Over the world, only one is noticed

For all the time spent
In the dying world
Now seeing you here
Daylight has a purpose

Dorito?

Could there possibly in this world exist
Other words to describe
Rising feelings, gracing this?
Nothing, apart from these I write

As I think of you
Night and day
Dream the night away

Could there possibly in this life exist
Happiness that I have found
Every conscious moment bliss
Even when darkness surrounds
Say you'll stay till the world falls apart
Evermore engraved in my heart

Mental Blank

Wasn't it just yesterday
Heaviness plagued my mind
Each minute was an effort
Remembering you
Even so, now it's gone

[Disappeared?]

Write Me A Song

Little keys, ringing so softly
Underneath the heavy lid
Listen closely, carefully
Little keys, ringing so softly
As the hammers strike the strings
Bringing love to life
You wrote me this lullaby

Keep It Short

In all the world, there's nothing like this

Live just a little with me
Only then can I sleep
Vague memories my dreams
Easing my restlessness

Yes, there's nothing like this
Oblivion of bliss
Underneath my mask

Believe Me

Stand up, take a walk
A long walk with me tonight
We'll see the world through eyes
Eyes so innocent tonight

We'll see what there is to see
How the world lies sleepy
Sleepy tonight
Through eyes so innocent tonight

Is what you saw tonight
What you believed was true
This world was capable of?
Of course not, you never did

Chapter Four

"Welcome to the most beautiful street in the whole country."
As the feeble words left my mouth, my mind didn't completely register what exactly I was saying. When it did however, a few seconds later, I mentally kicked myself in the shins. Welcome to the most beautiful street? You idiot boy, you deserve to be slapped! Silence followed, and I felt my embarrassment rising to my cheeks. I turned to leave, when a voice stopped me dead, saying, "Yes, it's breathtaking isn't it?" Heartbeat failing, failing, beeeeeep.
Her voice was so quiet, so sweet, it's hard to describe it without getting ridiculously cliche. I faltered for a few seconds, and stumbled my feet around to face her. When I looked up into her face, I found myself staring into those mesmerising hazel eyes from the morning. Staring, staring, staring for too long it felt, and yet not long enough. Finally I managed to strangle a few words from my dry throat. "I sometimes lose track of time just staring into the same sunset." Great, once again, so smooth aren't we, Mr Suave? "Don't blame you, I've never seen the sun in such a way before." came the reply.
"I haven't seen you before, are you new around here?" I asked, suddenly realising the obvious.
"Yep, just moved to this street two days ago, and I'm glad I did." So was I. The small conversation fell quiet, as we both turned back to the sunset, which was almost already over. A few seconds later, the sun disappeared behind the hill, and the street was suddenly dark and colder. "Well, I better get going." and with that, she walked towards the house opposite mine. I quietly thanked God for His perfect placement, then made my way back over to Troy, who was doubled up with laughter, gasping and wheezing at my dismal failure. "Wow, that was so sad, I should have recorded it and put it up on youtube!"
"Oh very funny Troy." I punched him lightly on the arm. "I'm going home, catch you in the morning bro." I walked into my driveway and through the doors of my house, the hazel eyes firmly embedded in the front of my memory.

The next day, as Troy and I arrived at school, there was a commotion happening in the main quadrangle. We pushed ourselves through the surrounding crowd, only to see the girl from yesterday sitting on the ground, hands covering her face, while two other girls were pointing at her yelling insults. In the space of a second, I was on on the ground next to her, put a hand on her shoulder and told the other two girls in a rather impolite manner to piss off, which they did after throwing me a dirty look. Troy quickly dispersed the crowd, while I helped up the fallen girl. "What was that all about?" I asked her as she clambered to her feet.
"It was nothing, don't worry about it, they just thought I'd stolen something from them." Stolen something? Bit of a steep accusation wasn't it?
"You sure you'll be ok? Do you want me to - "
"I said I'm FINE!" she snapped at me, promptly pushing me away then storming off with her books. I must have been staring after her in such a bemused manner before Troy interrupted my reverie by clobbering me over the back of the head with his heavy maths book. "Snap out of it Kase, let's get to class." Casting a final look at her retreating back, I headed towards my English classroom. What a way to start the day.

Somewhere

In broken cities where
The streets are lined with glass
The streets are lined with glass
In broken cities fair

In broken cities cold
Children are left to die
Children are left to die
In broken cities sold

In broken cities here
We fight for every breath
We fight for every breath
In broken cities fear

Where'd You Go [Revised]

Chorus.
Where'd you go
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone

V1.
I struggle to find the right words for this
How do I tell someone just how much that I miss
The every little thing, that they did or said
That made me feel like I had the fairytale from books I read
Believe me, I never thought I could push you away
For trying so hard to impress you with the words I could say
The person that I could fake, could never replace
What you gave to this mistake, this one you erased
I find myself trying to stay by the phone
Hoping for a call in the times I feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot, hoping and praying
For something that'll never happen, not in this life that I'm staying

Bridge.
So, I want you to know, I'm a little broken up
Being stuck here waiting, at times debating
Asking you if you've forgiven me, or simply forgotten
But either way, it's too late now, and I'm singing

Chorus.
Where'd you go
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone

V2.
You know, this person I used to be
Used to fake my way to gains just for me
Used to change who I was, just to get some attention
Not once thinking I'd left with nothing but a confession
Of my faults and my flaws, every single lost cause
Stuttering and mumbling excuses to mocking applause
Trying to pick it back up, then the final straw fell
Now you've left and I'm here, nothing more left to tell

Bridge.
So, I want you to know, I'm a little broken up
Being stuck here waiting, at times debating
Asking you if you've forgiven me, or simply forgotten
But either way, it's too late now, and I'm singing

Chorus.
Where'd you go
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone

Track Twenty-six

"These hammers and strings
Have been following me around"

Jack's Mannequin

Welcome to the Window. It's been a long time since I last added a track to this compilation, so I thought I'd better resume.
Letting go is always easier said than done. For some, it's simply a matter of dumping that girl or boy they've been going out and hooked up with too many times. For others, it's leaving behind something that's not meant to be lost. I sometimes too easily say to people who've just lost a friendship that they should "learn from it, let it make you stronger, and you have better friends around anyway". When it came to me though, I found myself thinking, "Ah yes, right, I'm about as clueless and helpless as a... a... thing that's very clueless and helpless."
There's only so long you can really sit around in pools of regret and pity, but let's face it, the faster you get out the better right? Perhaps wrong, these pools get quite comfy.
So, in short, all I wanted to say was make sure you can walk the walk, and not just talk the talk, and yes, you can take it from me, because I do that all the time. Or not.

Smile =] and take it easy

Begin To Finish

Five.
Hopefully, one day
You'll forgive me for
Everything I caused
To go wrong for you

Six.
One day, you'll speak again
To me, the words that were
The words that said it all
Making my day brighter
Than these dry, dying thoughts

Seven.
Meanwhile, while I fake the smile
That everyone longs to see,
Believe I don't hide inside
It's a quiet hill with you
Words rarely spoken twixt us
Without you though, the quiet kills

Eight.
I never thought that my efforts
Could open up a part of you
Which would let me into your life
And was I right? So very right
The doors to you were closed for me
While others entered seamlessly
Left outside, knowing how I failed

Cue Music.
Koishikute

Slip Away

Scrawled on a scrap a paper
Sliver of a whispered secret
Smokey as haze, the tear's vapour
Sighing with the weight of a heartbeat
Step into the sky, words be your stairs
Swirling higher, higher till clouds
Stain my sight, hiding disrepair
Still walking onwards, in silence so loud

As every moment creates a life
Another passes on, clinging desperately
Angst fighting its way slowly through strife
Awash with thoughts only you knew could be
At the peak of realisation is reached
Acidic memories melt away every sorrow
Abused, beaten, till the doors are breached
Again you fall, awaking in yesterday's tomorrow

Run Away

Could I please
Just flee this day
Escape this coming night
Look in my eyes
My heart's on it's knees
Waiting for you to say
I can just run from sight
I'll run as the crow flies
Straight to nowhere
Where I began
Could I please
Just run away

Fade To Grey

Willing everything to crumble
Heavy thoughts rising tonight
In fear, and shame I fumble
This very life I live, I'll fight
Even as I fade to gray

Bringing hope, possibility
Leave despair at the door
Another rise in ability
Could it be, I can be more?
Knowing this, I fade to gray

Chapter Three

The day passed quicker than I anticipated, all the classes seeming like a blur. Although I had crumpled it up and thrown it into my bag, my mind kept refreshing the image, constantly bringing the face up with the fleeting snapshot my eyes had registered of the girl in the hallway. Why had I drawn her? What was going wrong with me?

School had ended, and as Troy and I walked towards the street where our houses lived side by side, I was still thinking about the picture, head bowed in concentration, rotating it over and over as Troy babbled on about "this babe who was so totally digging him", and then entered an extravagant descriptive rant on her appearance. Same old Troy, same old interests.

Our street was one of the most fortunate and beautiful in the district. Why, you ask? Well, firstly, it was lined with large maple trees which, now in autumn, turned the street into a living sea of golden red. Then there was the park at the end of the street, with a large grassy hill overlooking the rows of houses. In the daytime, especially during summer, the hill was washed with sunlight, creating the perfect picnic spot. Sunset was the most spectacular, for the sun falls behind the hill, making it the most breathtaking place to both see from afar and be. However, not many of the street's residents knew of this hidden treasure, with most of them too busy with their careers and studies. Typical, never pay attention to the finer details which create the surviving happiness in a being.

Turning the corner into our street, Troy suddenly stopped walking and talking. At first I didn't notice, until the quietness of my own footsteps registered in my mind. I looked up and behind me to ask him why he'd stopped. Instead of a verbal response, he simply lifted his hand and pointed to the far end of the street, to a figure with long amber hair, flowing in the soft wind. The figure was facing the hill, and in that instant, the sun began to set behind the hill, casting brilliant rays across the street, and illuminating the figure in front of me. It was an image I still carry with me in my minds eye to this day.

I turned back to Troy, only to my surprise he was right next to me, staring as well. "It's that girl!" he said in hushed tones, almost fearful of ruining the moment.
"So what?" I growled, knowing very well what he was hinting. Yet again though, in the place of saying something, he took a physical approach, and began to quickly shove me in the girl's direction. Loudly protesting, I was steadily herded towards her, desperately trying to escape Troy's long reach. Before long, we reached a point a few metres behind the girl, and with a final heave, Troy sent me stumbling, almost crashing into her. Waving his arms at the girl in shooing motions, I knew he was telling me to talk to her. I was already to close to just sheepishly leave, so summoning up my courage, I took a deep breath and said...

Drums Me

Kick the solid bass in
Just one more time
Strike that snare, grin
As beat meets rhyme
High-hat keep within
My set limits of time
Let it flow, this din
Son of music's crime
Build up steady, now bring
Toms, of thunder, remind
Now cymbals, begin
Loudest crash, softest ride
Moving mountains within
Rolling in fullest pride
Kick the bass in
Just one more time

Offset

Come with me
From time to time, there seems to be never enough
White noise to block out the thousand sounds
Calling out to me, constantly weakening my bluff
Till all comes crashing down, yet again, all around
Sit here with me and watch the scene unfold
Everything echoing a thousand times louder
When the single tear falls as you break cold
Your emptiness reveals itself in power
Frequencies lower than the deepest valleys
Higher than all imaginable heights, they bleed
Into your mind-frame, twisting away at the debris
And as it all blends together, one lonely silent plea
I'm losing hope as the world turns with my life in its hands
Torn one way by this, another by that, yet still with you
Watching you slowly break me, it was never part of my plans
But it happens anyway, and now you won't relent, it's true
I should never have tried to bleed it out to or for you
Mistaken I was, and maybe still am, for trying to save
What I was with you, and hopefully forgive too
These cuts and bruises, my scars of this wreckage I braved
Give me a reason to change, and maybe I'll try it
Every little thing has failed so far, I won't deny it
So if this is the cure for me, to break this pain so quiet
Then the consequences I'll face, even if it tears me to bits
Perhaps you'll see, that nothing could ever break me like you
As this ruined earth turns each day, bringing troubles new
Like before, yes, when you break I'll take the blame
And your hollow tears, not fallen for me, will be my pain

[I'm losing hope]

When The Wind Blows

Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all

Rock-a-bye baby, listen to me
I've kept this secret, so carefully
When my heart breaks, this secret will stay
And I'll stay by your side, till break of day

Rock-a-bye baby, it's quiet now
Your tears have mingled, with mine on the ground
Hand in your hand, walking so slow
We'll cross into sunrise, hopes left below

Time With You

Praying for the weather
Always to shine for us
Reviving time together
Knowing it's the trust

When we lie there quietly
In the sun or the shade
Time flies too fast, it fights me
Hiding away the hours we made

Yesterday was a month ago
Only twenty-four hours or so
Under the sun. Wait till tomorrow

Closer You Are

I thought that
Every inch closer
Was every mile less
Between us
Another minute
To hold you

Unknown to me
Was that the closer
You were, it made it
All the more harder
To see you
With failing eyes

But with these
These failing eyes
I watched you leave
Disappear into the dark
And with these
These failing eyes

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

*Inspired by the song*

Autumn

The leaves bleed red
Every second getting nearer
To the day of the fall

It's a beautiful day to forget
Although in memory it's clearer
This day to lose it all

In May I wrote this set
Of words she'll never hear
That month of the fall

Gotcha

There's never anything quite like
Rhyming with a cunning spike
Instant shock, as words ignite
Craving minds and thoughts alike
Kissed from lips of cheek and spite
Embossed by wit as black as night
Running through a world of plight
Yet still so loved, both wrong and right

The Root

This is not just another simple tale
Heaped with words, meaningless, devoid of soul
Every letter printed in this entails
Reflections of thought, both the new and old
Earnest, each cast lovingly from the mind's mould

Slowly crafted for hours of endless night
Heavy with the day's countless beads of thought
At long last, this phrase stands ready for flight
Leaving the mind, every bead firmly caught
Lest it slip, and never reach the paper port

Now traversing through the nervous highway
Entwined with stress, joys and wordless feelings
Veering gently to the fingertips bay
Etches its sketch upon the skin ceiling
Relaying the message for the pen's revealing

Begin at last! This story of a Life
Encapsulated with such hope and strife

As bleeding ink makes contact with the pad
New worlds arise and fall in seconds mere
Of nature, life and hate this author glad
To release into words, his every fear
Haltingly, heavily, smooth and lightly
Ever changing syllables, for quietly
Reasons to confess often come nightly

Slipping through the silent static swiftly
To try and touch the tip of time and trust
Over all obstacles of obliquely
Ridged wretched rhythms reddening with rust
Yielding yesterday's hope-yearning youth

Line by line, stroke by stroke the pen will fall
In time with music conducting the hand
Knitting brokenness with ink drawn from all
Eternal dreams, weaved from a crumbling land

My story never will have a brother
In similarities or views akin
Not a simple tale of just another
Ergo my story ends here, so long. Fin.

[There Shall Never Be Another Story Like Mine]

Chapter Two

First impression isn't really the best way to describe what I received from her. First indentation is more like it. She ran around the corner into me so fast that she left her elbow mark in my chin. As I helped her pick up her books, which were scattered far and wide from our collision, she kept apologising profusely.

"I'm so sorry, I really am, it's just that I have to get to maths right now, and I've been late every single class! Sorry sorry sorry!"

Then, before I knew it, she was gone again, running down the corridor at ten to the dozen. It all happened within the space of ten seconds, and all I remembered was a whirl of amber coloured hair and a pair of large hazel eyes. Nothing really to grab my attention, after all going to a co-ed school has it's fair share of girls and a pair of pretty eyes isn't uncommon.

"Kason! Hurry up man, or else you'll be late to class!" My best friend Troy walked up to me and nudged me with his elbow. "So, you going to tell me who she was? Eh? Eh?"
"Yeah, I'll tell you when I find out for myself," I said with a chuckle, "We didn't exactly talk much, as you might've seen."
"Looked good enough time for me, in that short space of time I would've gotten her number just like that!" he said, snapping his fingers to accentuate his point. All I did was laugh along with him as we walked to our first period of the day, maths. I hate maths, plain and simple. As we stepped into our classroom I was already dreading the lesson to come. Anyone up for a nice big helping of trigonometry? No? Didn't really think so.
As usual, Troy and I took the seats to the far left, next to the window which overlooked the school car park. A few times, when the teacher had left temporarily, we would grab all our books, climb out the window and skip the rest of the school day. This became a regular little habit until we got caught. Big time. By our parents.
"Trigonometry!" began Mr Lester, "This is a perilous journey, not for the faint of heart! I trust you are all well equipped, with your pencils of power! Your erasers of elegance! And finally, your -"
"- Minds of magic." the whole class monotonously recited. As you can see, we're a happy bunch in Mr Lester's excel maths class. He began writing on the board, with a few students scribbling madly on their pads to take down every single note. Most of the others, like Troy, read and tried to decipher his scrawl, while one student, a.k.a yours truly began to draw in his maths book. Which, for your reference, didn't have a single maths note in it, but a whole heap of little sketches and the likes. Maths notes were crumpled loose leaf sheets of paper genius given to me by my tutor, a brilliant uni student who came up with foolproof ways of learning maths.
I started to draw, except this time, I began drawing a face. That was odd, I only drew cars and weird random monsters, but this morning seemed different. The face began to take shape, a graceful jawline, small rounded ears and long flowing hair. Then came the features. A set of heart shaped lips, elegant nose, and finally, the large, innocent eyes. As I finished the final details of shading, it occurred to me what I had just drawn. It was a portrait of the girl who had bumped into me before class. This was sufficient evidence to scare me, the thought "Am I a stalker or something?" running through my mind. Tearing out the page, I scrunched it up and threw it into my bag, deciding to pretend it hadn't happened.
Little did I know that the picture I had drawn held the key to the doors of my destiny in the coming year.

Chapter One

When we sat on this quiet hill, I promised you everything that came into my mind. Love, hope, a family, safety, wealth, I weaved every word till it looked like a fabric so tangible. We were young, oh so young weren't we? When you cried, it shattered my every thought, spurred my protectiveness of you, ready to fight anyone and everyone you wanted me to. You were everything to me weren't you? Do you remember the time, when we came up here on that hot summer day after school, and simply sat, held hands and watched the sunset? It was the fifth day after you found out the news. The damn news that made you cry so much, and shocked me speechless. I guess it was bound to happen at some point in time though. I missed you then, and I miss you now. Someday though, someday this hill won't be so quiet and lonely. It will be ours again, and we can watch the sunset... just one more time.

The young man took a final, fleeting glance at the setting sun. A shadow of desperation leaped into his eyes, pleading for something only he knew was missing. With a jagged sigh, he placed his hands in his pockets and slowly made his way down the gentle grassy slope, every step as painful as the next. As he walked, memories began to flood his mind, as they did every time he visited this place. Memories from the past, swirled with darkness and laced with the illusion of hope.

It's a quiet hill. It is. It wasn't.

Just a Pen

Needing a hand to hold
Heartfelt thoughts, unsure
Certain, shaky, unfold
At the tip of this pen
Words not heard before
Yet held deep within
The only gate to send
A simple, desperate phrase
The small, silver pen
Traveling through the ink

Track Twenty-five

Greater than a mountain
Stronger than the tide
Deeper than the ocean
It's our power to decide

Welcome to the Window. Euthanasia and abortion, two words not thrown around lightly these days, especially recently, with all the debates on their legalisation and such. Which is right, which is wrong, which embraces the true values of life, and which has the ability to end destroy it?

Let's start with euthanasia. For those who don't know what this is, it is the act of mercy killing to put it bluntly. Right or wrong? Do you think the power to take a life should be left in human hands? Is it really the equivalent of murder? More than anything, it is a great responsibility and a commitment of trust, literally with a life. For example, if your best friend was dying from cancer, and all that remained of their lives was two months filled with grueling therapy, pain filled hours of consciousness, sleep riddled with aches and agony. If this friend pleaded with you to inject them with an overdose of morphine for a painless death, would you do it? It's so easy, so simple, to think yes immediately, but to do it, to really follow through with it, that's a different story. You are taking the life of your greatest friend, who you want to spend as many final minutes with as possible. The ease of saying yes is there, yet the real complication lies in the application.

Abortion, the A word that seems so taboo for some. For me, personally, abortion is akin to murder. As one of my two best friends said, heartbeat develops after nine days. Is that not a living being? What if, however, the parents were drug addicts, or known abusers, or just plain bad people? What then? Do we simply say: "Oh yes, well, that's a different story! The child would be deformed, or have a horrible childhood." Let me tell you, the only people to determine whether or not someone's life is horrible or not is that person themselves and God. Yes, we live in a country built on the foundations of Christianity, thus bringing it up is completely relevant. Sure, they may have a horrible family, or live in despicable conditions. Then there's the possibility of being born mentally or physically handicapped. Well, why not think about it like this, instead of abortion before they're capable of even the slightest coherent and functioning thought, why not wait till they grow up and mature, then ask them if it's alright to end their lives so that they won't suffer. See if you don't get a distressed reaction from those who want to make something of their lives, regardless of the tribulations they're faced with.

From the very few people who read this blog, if any of you get offended by this content, I apologize. However, these are my views, and if you think otherwise, good for you, tell me, and I'll listen. On the other hand, if you simply want to have a stab and say that my opinion is biased and obscured, I suggest you keep your mouth shut. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all, just smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Everyone Is?

Miles away from home
In shoes now torn, I walked here
Slowly, ever slowly, alone
Silently, you'd never hear
I reached my place
No more left to face
Grasping at the straws of grace

Seemingly missing something
Or was it all illusion?
Moving despite everything
Ever through the confusion
Tell me, doctor, where's your cure
Help's coming fast, you say
I can't know for sure
Now please, just for this day
Give me the rest I need

If everyone is
No one isn't
Something remains
In the quiet corner
Despite no one to mourn her
Ever moving forwards, for words

[Every thought spilled out. The music sheet soiled from the leaking pen. Till another day, perhaps]

Jar of Simplicity

It's left on the shelf
Far too often
Pushed behind all we know
Every box of knowledge
Countless cans of advice
They all conceal
What is needed most
In this crazy life I live
All I need
Is that jar of beautiful,
Neglected simplicity

[The cupboard doors lie on their hinges. The shelves empty. Where's the jar?]

Track Twenty-four

Simplicity is marvelous. Really, to watch a cloud slip across a clear blue sky is pure bliss. Well, not all the time, granted, but it's truly calming.

Welcome to the Window. Drawing and painting is a real skill that some people have naturally, or developed over a long period of time and hard work. Da Vinci spent over ten years drawing individual limbs of the human body, day after day, to perfect his form. Others are just plain talented, and could give Leonardo a run for his money. Today, I saw some pieces of art which really set my mind thinking. Not because they looked really deep and intriguing, but because I couldn't figure out what obscure lens the artist or creator was wearing over his eyes. In all honesty, some of the portraits, paintings and sculptures looked like a five year old had been trusted with a paint set and clay.

Then it occured to me: I probably couldn't produce anything much better could I? Really makes one eat the old words of criticism before they slip off the tongue.

Simple post today. Smile =]

Take it easy.

Creased

You see this piece
Of paper you left?
It's so plain, nothing
Written on it, clean
All except for
One single sliver
One single crease
Runs down the centre
Do you see
What you left behind

I Miss You, Don't Come Back

V1.
It's a silent hill when the view is gone
So much time to kill, when the talk is done
Question after question, queuing in my mind
I know, it's not much, but it's keeping me alive

V2.
"Welcome home," she said, "my dearest friend."
"I've missed you so, from start to end."
As she hugs you, deep inside, you're so confused
Does she mean it, or does she hide the truth

Chorus.
This old piano's falling to pieces, made from ash, falling to dust
Play a note, the key crumbles, and the string snaps from rust
Not since you left, has it been played a single note
Sleepless now, I remember every song that I wrote
My heart needs a song for the beating
A dream when I'm sleeping, my restless sleeping

V3.
Crying to sleep, it's so pointless you know
Nothing's achieved, when you cry for tomorrow
Tomorrow when it comes, it's not as great
When you wanted it, yet everywhere else is fake

Chorus.
This old piano's falling to pieces, made from ash, falling to dust
Play a note, the key crumbles, and the string snaps from rust
Not since you left, has it been played a single note
Sleepless now, I remember every song that I wrote
My soul needs a reason to stay here
A life to believe in, to know hope is near

Silver Lining

Lying here
This grassy hill
Staring at the sky
That blue, blue sky
Nothing's brighter
Shining higher
Than the sun
That blessed sun

Moving slowly
Crawling through
A single cloud
That lone, white cloud
Scarring the blue sky
Hiding my sun
That blue, blue sky
That blessed sun

The scarring cloud
That smothers light
Shadowed in the day
Isn't it nice to know
Its lining
Is silver
Isn't it nice to know

Deck Of Cards

V1.
Diamonds, what I promise you
Red, the rust that I bleed
Reflected in the diamond's hue
I'll be your every need

V2.
Spades, how I'll rescue you
Blackened with the sweat and tears
Unearth every worry new
I'll save you from your fears

Chorus.
Play me right, deal me out
Shuffle to your heart's content
Scatter every part of me now
Till every card is torn and bent
Just don't lose a single card
Just don't lose a single card

Build me up, hide me away
Leave me in the dust
Crease each one, trick, elude
Till every card is stripped of trust
Just don't lose a single card
Just don't lose a single card

V3.
Clubs, how I'll defend you
Burnt black strength, hardened in fire
Never again, need safety new
I'll guard you with my life

V4.
Heart, all I have to offer you
The sad, harsh reality
Red with life, yet ever true
Ever loved, you'll always be

Track Twenty-three

It's the start of a new month, the end of a week, the middle of distress and I'm still not sure where I am.
Welcome to the Window. What do you call it when you watch someone else in your life always steal the limelight, always be one step better than you, and you can't help but resent them slightly for it? Could it be jealousy? Yep, sounds a lot like jealousy. There's always going to be a time or instance, where you'll try your hardest to live up to the expectations and levels that you know and believe will be significant to someone you care for, and then another person will coast through without even trying, and impress to no ends. Where does it really leave all the efforts you made? It's at this point, where different tips and advice are all handed out from left right and centre, some telling you to keep trying, and those urging you to move on and try something else. What to do? Let's see, you may as well give up trying, it's been done, and better than you could ever dream of achieving. As for moving on and trying something else, what if this was the culmination of all you ever wanted? Are you really just going to move on? I don't think so. You wouldn't settle for anything less than you know is your true destiny. It's at this stage that I find myself. I'm at a fork in the road, only thing is they both lead me to nowhere. Of course, I could sit and wallow in my self pity, but I'd rather not.

To us, when we see others being jealous of someone else, we sometimes tend to laugh at them, or maybe sympathise. Understand, that when you know that another person is better than you and going for the same goal, it's impossible to not feel even the slightest hint of jealousy. What sparks that jealousy even more is if they're not heading towards the same trophy that you are, but the prize simply seems to land in their laps. Here, the terminology "burning with jealousy" really rings true. Painfully so.

When you're jealous, it hurts you. More than you could imagine to begin with. Frustrating isn't it? Literally an unfixable situation. Yes, you can say to yourself: "At least I can do this!" but let's be honest, will "this" really get you anywhere? Sure, it might, but will it get you where you want to be?

Only thing left to do is grit your teeth, bear the pain, and smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Dedication

Standing for all I ever need
Overseeing my every mistake
Place my heart within, and heed
Her every word, thus wise choices make
In my world, no wrong turn left to take
Each step guided, and guarded in wake

I now can hope for coming days
Surely loved in every way

Clearly seeing, thoughts unmarred
Only sunlight shining through
Only now I live unbarred
Living with the thoughts of you

Promise

I

Persevere long after all is gone
Regarding not my state of mind
Over again, slipping all a long
Missing the right steps in kind
I
See my mistakes following behind
Even though my heart is blind

[I lie. I grasp at strings. I cover the truth. I promise]

The Last, The Lost, The Least - Relient K

Live a life of privilege
Pushing back the last, the lost
The least of these
To dull the edge of concscience
With conceit

Live a life and see the world
Feel its weight on the shoulders
Of the least of these
It spins and twirls
Without rest or relief

Track Twenty-two

It's another bullshit attempt
At something that I'll fail over again
Yet again, it's treated with contempt
And I'll wait here for the consequential rain

Welcome to the Window. Why do some people constantly try over and over again to achieve their goals? Is it sheer desperation, the need to prove themselves, or the real want to accomplish the task? For me, it's more stupidity than anything else. I don't learn from previous mistakes very well unfortunately. My method is along the lines of: "Place head in paper bag. Run towards goal." The worst part about this style is when you run into something that's not gonna budge. Slightly painful. What's your style? Smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Realisation

To travel so far, simply searching
For what I have become
Crossing waters, with fears lurking
Far below the surface calm

Looking down, all there is to see
Is what I missed all along
Staring into eyes, still haunting me
My former self, now lost to wrong

Yet here I stand, no longer blind
Walking on waters still
So much achieved, all to find...

I am whatever I want to be

Crucial

V1.
If every thought was a note
And the pen, pure imagination
Blood, sweat, tears for paper
Every bar you write
Crucial.

V2.
If every wish was a song
and the artist, sheer inspiration
Love, longing, for paper
Every bar you write
Crucial.

V3.
If every life was a gift
And the giver, your own decisions
Hope the wrapping paper
Every card you write
Crucial.

Track Twenty-one

"We had a real chance to change our description"

Notorious B.I.G

Welcome to the Window. People frequently ask me, do I enjoy being so different to everyone else? Do I like the fact that I stand out? Well, frankly, yes I do. I enjoy it because it's who I am, I refuse to let other people change who I am. Yes, I'm constantly presented opportunities to just slip into the regularity of what I'm expected to be, but if everyone did that, then some people would definitely have trouble with their identities and lives, who they socialise with, etc. You read stories and watch movies about how so and so went on a trip to wherever or around the world, in an attempt to find their true identity, and connect with their inner selves. Truth to be told, that is a load of rubbish, and sorry to all of you who actually believed that and I unknowingly insulted you. You don't need to waste thousands of dollars traveling from coast to coast, country to country. The harsh reality of finding your true self is to simply wake the hell up from your go with the flow attitude, and come to terms with what you really are. Take eccentrics for example. They are truly being themselves, not afraid to show it, and not afraid to take whatever kind of comments the world might hurl at them. Geeks, nerds, geniuses, all of them seem like freaks to us, because they have something that we don't, something that may not be considered normal, and so they get labelled all sorts of cruel names. At the end of the day however, it's impossible to not have a grudging respect for them at least, for their God given talent or the height to which they worked so hard to achieve. Sure, they wander around the school, all hunch backed, looking really odd, but at least they're not pretending to be something that they're not. At least they are happy with what they are.
Everyday, we cover up, at least partially, what we truly are. I'll admit to doing it myself, but that's the first step that's harder than the rest of the route. When you acknowledge that you have a problem, you've taken the first step to fixing it.
I just realised that most of this probably doesn't make coherent sense, so I'll leave it here. Smile =]

Peace out.

Track Twenty

Why is it that some people can't read? It's like the people who turn right when it clearly says "No Right Turn", or that idiot who constantly tries to push a door open when it says "Pull". Surely, people, surely man isn't that dumb?
Welcome to the Window. Now, for those of you who read my "about me" section, for God's sake, read it thoroughly. I ask you not to judge me, and not make yourself sound and look like an absolute tool. I'm not fake, not an imitation, not a "wannabe" or a poser. How much clearer can I make myself.
For those of you who actually have a problem or any issues with my blog, please, by all means, send me a message, email me, call me, tell me to my face, however you want to do it. This is beyond a joke, if you can't summon up the courage to actually say it to the person, then keep it to yourself. And for those of you with these opinions with an iota, a tiny fraction of intelligence who've realised that their issues regarding this blog are stupid and petty, congratulations, you're on your way to getting a diploma in life skills, so smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

So Long

Half of what I used to be
Yet wanting twice as much
Wishing on stars too bright
Complacency rescue me
Save me from thoughts as such
Rock me to sleep tonight
Every sound now what I see
Hurting at the slightest touch
What's happening to me, this night
Crying out, an empty plea
Words to heal, I long to clutch
Tell me when I'll be alright

Running (Dying To Live)

You know, I wonder if they'll laugh when I'm dead...
Why am I fighting to live
If I'm just living to fight?
Why am I trying to see
When there ain't nothing in sight?
Why am I trying to give
When no one gives me a try?
Why am I dying to live
If I'm just living to die?

Tupac Shakur

Track Eighteen

The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoia's brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety

Black Eyed Peas ft. Papa Roach

Welcome to the Window. Thinking nights tend to suck. Very badly. I mean, it's hard for a mind to function properly with only three hours sleep no? And when you're constantly plagued by thoughts that you know will drive you insane, watching yourself being brought to your knees by the anxiety and paranoia is even worse.
I noticed something really odd. For the last three days I haven't done any dancing at all. I honestly don't know why, I just haven't really felt the want to just jam. For me, this is a disturbing development. Music hasn't felt the same as it has, I can't feel the rhythm, the beat as well as I could, I can't lose myself in it.
Lord please, please, please, take away my anxiety.

Take it easy everyone, smile =]

Track Seventeen

I noticed from a photo my friend took yesterday, that I happen to have this one really massive neck muscle. Yes, I thought that was a necessary piece of information to share with everyone. Now I have, you all know a bit more about me.
Welcome to the Window. It's one of those days, where the sun was shining, not a cloud in sight, and then it starts to piss rain. Speaking of which, why is it that rain falling resembles sadness? "The sky is crying with me, mirroring my emotions." Hahaha, no offense, but the sky couldn't give a shit about your emotions. I love the rain, the wind, dark weather, all the weather that emo people like to reflect their pain with. Unfortunately though, in my eyes, the rain shows a change, the washing away of the day's problems. Wind brings a sharp slap in the face to tell you to snap out of your self depressing state, and dark weather is just dark. That's all. End.
Hypocricy is on the verge of everyone's lips. You can deny it, you can accuse someone of it, regardless of how much you may try defend yourself of being a hypocrite, you are one, and every defensive word leaving your mouth simply digs your grave even deeper. Best move I'd say is just keep your mouth shut.
So, as a result of this epiphany, I will end here. "It's so totally the bad weather. Rain is my pain flowing."

Haha smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Amazing Grace [Revised]

V1.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch, like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

V2.
Let time and sun, stand still for all
And rains, come wash away
Such fears I've seen, and heal my soul
To see the new dawn's day

V3.
Endure, my heart, the weary load
Till grace comes saving me
I will not rest, and hope unfold
Stand strong for fears to be

V4.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
To souls as torn as mine
I once was broken, now I've found
The healing words of time



[Just a quick note, this song is one of the greatest ever written. It was composed by John Newton, who was formerly a slave trader in the 1700s. I ask that those of you who don't like the song, both original or my version, to keep your opinions to yourselves, and not be disrespectful of the power of this song.

Take it easy everyone.]

Track Sixteen

I am a little bit of loneliness
A little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everybody can see these scars
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you
To just believe this is real

Linkin Park

Welcome to the Window. Has anyone ever felt like if they suddenly left, simply disappeared, that their presence wouldn't be missed? I know I do. It's not hard to slip into that mentality. Add a little bit of disregard, a touch of brokenness, a smattering of fragility, and it's more than enough to make anyone want to just get away. Sometimes though, in the midst of our deepest fear and despair, we have to think beyond our narrowed scope. We have to think about who we're leaving in our wake. There's that little colloquial phrase: "My two cents worth". Two cents is hardly anything. These days, you can't buy a single thing for two cents. Well, let's throw it into perspective. If you're part of something, and your two cents adds to other people's two cents to make a dollar, you all use that dollar for a common goal, a unified wish. However, when you take away your two cents, only ninety-eight cents is left, and that goal can't be achieved, and only your two cents can complete it. We may think, in our darkest moments, that we won't be missed, that our legacy will be forgotten or easily replaced, but it can't be. The piece of the puzzle, the two cents that you possess can't be replicated or substituted for anything less or more. To think of others in our own pain is near impossible, but it's something that we have to do, regardless of the excruciation.
Sometimes, facing the source of our pain isn't the ultimate challenge. Facing ourselves, the greatest fear of seeing what we really are, is the real challenge. To confront our inner turmoil is harder than any feat performable by mankind. The day we face ourselves down, that is the day that we can truly be free, truly feel bliss. Smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Wakeless

V1.
Sleep has come, the blessed close
Yet peace will not arrive
Eluding, mocking, daring to oppose
The steady flow, quick to connive
Wakeless in September, sleeping anguishedly

V2.
"Say you'll love me when I wake"
Yearning words, they're oh so cliche
Every time they leave lips, so fake
Testing ties beyond concious melee
Wakeless in September, sleeping tearfully

V3.
Slipping through the static
Yesterday simply white noise
Each memory slowly fading, systematic
To the rise and fall of breath, no more voice
Wakeless in September, sleeping hopefully


[Wakeless. Till. Every. Yesterday. Subsides]

Sleepless

V1.
Eyes awake, mind wide open
The air is still, the breeze is silent
Shaking hand, is the only motion
Left in this night, such lonely movement
Sleepless in September, cry the night away

V2.
Every innovation failing
Time is waiting, not for me
Serving none, taking all prevailing
Less of me remains, could I be
Sleepless in September, watch the night away

V3.
Evening came, and left me here
Turned to dark, so soon, too fast
Slipped away, now dawn is near
Lies awake, my trembling heart
Sleepless in September, till the break of day


[Every. Time. Someone. Lies. Sleepless.]

I Am

V1.
Sitting here, waiting for the train
My final train, to get me away
From this place, these hopes and dreams
That never existed, figments I made
Of my desperate imagination
Clinging to the impossible
Wishing always, for more
And yet afraid of the line uncrossable
Now here, the next train to come
Not for hours, hours on end
Leaving me here, with thoughts undone
Thoughts undone? All of you, dear friend

V2.
Open the eyes of clouded thought
Dreading every waking moment
If, by chance, it was me who caught
You, would you love me, past and present?
Each fear I have of countless hours
Racing away from me
I hide inside of self, no power
Keeping each secret dear to thee
After all is said and done
When the train has finally left
I still sit and wait, at the station
For you, my friend, with baited breath

[The words become harder and harder to write, in the knowledge that the work's intended reader, will never set eyes upon it. Till another day, another day.]

Track Fifteen

You were nonchalant, strong, and unaffected
And you never wanted me to be there
I never saw your heart, that's how close you kept it
So right now I'm so unsure how to care

Jordin Sparks

Welcome to the Window. I'm really groggy right now, haven't been sleeping much recently, so my thoughts here may be really incoherent. Feeling pretty empty at the moment. I don't want to go out, I don't want to do anything really. Just, nothing.
I have a question for you. When you're the one people turn to for help, and are looking to for support, who or what do you have to turn to when you need it yourself? You'll find that to those "friends" who turned to you, you were nothing more than a towel for them to rub their tears off onto. Yes, I'm back on the whole using friends issue. I can't stand it. I'm stuck here, with no idea what to do. I suppose I should take my own advice, but it's always easier to prescribe the medicine to someone, than take it yourself right?

Smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Track Fourteen

Welcome to the Window. I hate it when my heart misses a beat. Every time it does, time stands still, and everything is quiet. Usually, this sort of thing happens for a good reason right? Sort of. Tonight, it happened.
Doctor, doctor, help me.
Smile everyone =]

Take it easy.

Track Thirteen

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

Coldplay

Welcome to the Window. You know what sort of situation really gets to me? The type where you want to talk to someone, but you're too scared. You're scared because you're afraid of failing, so hard that you can't repair it. But somehow, at one point, I managed to mask it up, and talk. As a consequence, I suppose I conveyed an image of someone totally different to what I really am. Which, in itself, is a really good thing, because it prevents people from just seeing an entire heap of rubbish right? The bad part, is that having such a cover makes the first impression that lasts a lifetime, and is usually never reversed. What to do right?
Right now, I find myself in a situation similar to the one mentioned above, with a few differences here and there. I want to talk to this person, but, as a friend to them, I feel like I've failed, over and over. I couldn't cut it to be able to support them, help them and be there for them when they needed someone, even though the odds of them actually turning to me were close to zero. I doubt, even after how much I tried, I made a slight indent in this friend's mind, let alone life. Yet again, what to do.
So, here I sit, wondering to talk to them or not. Frankly, I'm just afraid. I really am. Can only smile =] right?

Take it easy

Track Twelve

I don't want you to know, what I am
Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been in.

Relient k

Welcome to the Window. Right now though, if you look through the window, my guitarist is sick, my drummer has two broken feet, and my lead singer is lost. It's not the greatest situation, and I'm a mess. I can't write anything properly tonight, so, just smile more =]

Take it easy.

From the Inside - Linkin Park

Don’t know who to trust
No surprise
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies

Trying not to break
But I’m so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

I take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
‘Cause I swear
For the last time
I won’t trust myself with you

Tension is building inside
Steadily
Everyone feel sso far away from me
Heavy thoughts forcing their way
Out of me

I won’t trust myself with you
I won’t waste myself on you
Waste myself on you

Track Eleven

I wish I was a choo-choo train
And choo my way from here
Set straight the track, no turning back
Away from fear, to fear.

Welcome to the Window. Some days, you want to curl up into a ball and wish you were something better. That was my day today. I found out some "interesting" information, to put it lightly, and I really did just want to hide away from everyone. Yes, this is probably as emo as I'll get, and yes, it's one of my most vulnerable times. Shit happens though. Smile =]

Peace out everyone.

Track Ten

At the starting of the week
At summit talks you'll hear them speak
It's only Monday
Negotiations breaking down
See those leaders start to frown
It's sword and gun day

Six Days - Mos Def


Welcome to the Window. I was just listening to the song above, and at first, because of the type of song that it is, the lyrics didn't really seem to register in my mind. Then it struck me to try search up the lyrics, because I didn't understand to clearly what the singer was saying. And, as it turns out, the lyrics are quite deep. Not emo deep, that's pretty shallow if you think about it. Deep as in they get you thinking about how things around you, lives, minds, hearts etc work. I recommend you search up the lyrics for the song, and for those of you who like music which is along the lines of rock and hip hop, then get the song, it's definitely worth it.
Smile =] God's watching. Haha.

Take it easy everyone.

Track Nine

When the music plays, all you have to do is let your mind wander, let the notes carry you somewhere that no one else can hear or see.

Welcome to the Window. So, out of my four or so readers, has anyone noticed how my introduction is a lot like a tv show's? "Welcome to the Today Show!" Mm what to do, what to do.
I've been asked by a few people why music is so central to me, what kind of music I like, etc. Well, let me put it like this. For me, without music, I would have lost my sanity a long time ago. Yes, to all you smart asses who are saying "what sanity?", I'm still sane. Music has the capacity to enhance your emotions, flourish your feelings. Anger, stress, love, hate, longing, desperation, you name it, it's been in a song. Hell, when I'm in a funny bugger mood, I'll listen to Weird Al. And that's the thing about music. Regardless of who wrote it, who sung it, how popular they are, the song can express exactly what you could never find the words for.
Dance. Why do I dance? "Mark, you realise, dancing is for dousche bags." Um, no I don't actually. Dancing is for anyone and everyone. But the reasons that you dance can determine whether you're a dousche or not. If you dance just to get girls, like I admittadly did for a while, then yes, you do make it into the dousche status. On the other hand, if you, like I do now, dance for the pure enjoyment of it, for the reason of just expressing yourself through the music, and letting the beats and the rhythm capture your body, then you're an entire level above the rest. That is what I dance for, that is why I dance. And smile =] while I do it.

Take it easy everyone.

Track Eight

Welcome to the Window.

Tonight there's no snappy introduction, because I simply can't be bothered.
Smile everyone =]

Take it easy

A Place For My Head - Linkin Park

V1
I watch how the moon sits in the sky
On a dark night shining with the light from the sun
The sun doesn't give light to the moon
Assuming the moon's going to owe it one
It makes me think of how you act to me
You do favors and then rapidly
You just turn around and start asking me about
Things you want back from me

Bridge
I'm sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

Chorus
I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head

V2
Maybe someday I'll be just like you, and
Step on people like you do and
Run away the people I thought I knew
I remember back then who you were
You used to be calm, used to be strong
Used to be generous, but you should've known
That you'd wear out your welcome
Now you see how quiet it is, all alone

Bridge 2
You, try to take the best of me
Go away
You, try to take the best of me
Go away
You, try to take the best of me
Go away
You, try to take the best of me
Go away!

Track Seven

"If I've learned anything from this; It would all be gone, it would all be gone." Unfortunately, being me, I don't learn certain things very well.

Welcome to the Window. Sitting in my chair, I'm currently not in the best of conditions. I wish to be something, someone different, and yet at the same time, wouldn't change a thing about my life. Why must I choose to be so damn complicated? Why can't I be like some stupid jock and not care about anything, anyone else but the next party and the next opportunity to get a screw? I'm sick of the wrong people getting things that others deserve. I'm sick of being such a pathetic existence of a person, not knowing whether I'd be good enough for a girl, or be bold enough to ask her out. I'm especially sick of just being so weak, even though for the most part, I put on the tough facade. Can't I just be normal? Maybe then I'd be a better candidate to go out with.
In the past, I'd try change who I am to grab the attention of someone I liked, or try to find ways and means to humour them, make them smile, laugh, happy, and in doing so, maybe reciprocate my feelings for them, and realise what I felt. In the process, however, I lost too much, and luckily, realised it before it was too late. So, I try the "just be me" approach. Nothing really works.
This term, I've been getting pretty good grades at school. Ok, they're really good grades. But why? Why only this term? Because I've needed a way to run away from everything. I don't want to run away from home, music and dance help me escape, but for only as long as I have time to listen to or do them. So I literally jump into my books, smother myself with a few maths equations, some bio homework to drown myself in. But when it's all done, and I sit, not lie, but sit in my bed till two or three in the morning, just thinking, what's there left to hide in? When I'm walking home from somewhere, and there's no one to talk to or anything to really distract me, where is there to hide?
What am hiding from though? Well, first, there's my life in general. Seriously, fuck all you wannabe emo's, you say your life sucks, yet you have no fucking clue what it's really life for your life to suck. Your parents didn't give you that ipod or new phone, or they ask you to do a chore, and suddenly your fucking world ends. Your girlfriend or boyfriend dumps you after three months. Wow. Get some damn perspective in your life. You want emo? Get a fucked up family, a fucked up situation, and a fucked up mind, THEN and only then, come and tell me your emo problems.
What else is there for me? Ah yes, the typical girl problems that every young man faces in his life. For me, this isn't just some crush though. When it comes to girls, I really do fail badly. I wish I didn't think so far into the future sometimes, but it's because of that, I don't have enough guts or self esteem to ask a girl out. So, the very few girls I happen to like, I always watch get with someone else. It's quite sad and pathetic, yes, but what to do right?
Ah, I'm tired of being so frustrated, I'm finished for the night. Remember, =] more.

Peace out everyone.