Believe Me

Stand up, take a walk
A long walk with me tonight
We'll see the world through eyes
Eyes so innocent tonight

We'll see what there is to see
How the world lies sleepy
Sleepy tonight
Through eyes so innocent tonight

Is what you saw tonight
What you believed was true
This world was capable of?
Of course not, you never did

Chapter Four

"Welcome to the most beautiful street in the whole country."
As the feeble words left my mouth, my mind didn't completely register what exactly I was saying. When it did however, a few seconds later, I mentally kicked myself in the shins. Welcome to the most beautiful street? You idiot boy, you deserve to be slapped! Silence followed, and I felt my embarrassment rising to my cheeks. I turned to leave, when a voice stopped me dead, saying, "Yes, it's breathtaking isn't it?" Heartbeat failing, failing, beeeeeep.
Her voice was so quiet, so sweet, it's hard to describe it without getting ridiculously cliche. I faltered for a few seconds, and stumbled my feet around to face her. When I looked up into her face, I found myself staring into those mesmerising hazel eyes from the morning. Staring, staring, staring for too long it felt, and yet not long enough. Finally I managed to strangle a few words from my dry throat. "I sometimes lose track of time just staring into the same sunset." Great, once again, so smooth aren't we, Mr Suave? "Don't blame you, I've never seen the sun in such a way before." came the reply.
"I haven't seen you before, are you new around here?" I asked, suddenly realising the obvious.
"Yep, just moved to this street two days ago, and I'm glad I did." So was I. The small conversation fell quiet, as we both turned back to the sunset, which was almost already over. A few seconds later, the sun disappeared behind the hill, and the street was suddenly dark and colder. "Well, I better get going." and with that, she walked towards the house opposite mine. I quietly thanked God for His perfect placement, then made my way back over to Troy, who was doubled up with laughter, gasping and wheezing at my dismal failure. "Wow, that was so sad, I should have recorded it and put it up on youtube!"
"Oh very funny Troy." I punched him lightly on the arm. "I'm going home, catch you in the morning bro." I walked into my driveway and through the doors of my house, the hazel eyes firmly embedded in the front of my memory.

The next day, as Troy and I arrived at school, there was a commotion happening in the main quadrangle. We pushed ourselves through the surrounding crowd, only to see the girl from yesterday sitting on the ground, hands covering her face, while two other girls were pointing at her yelling insults. In the space of a second, I was on on the ground next to her, put a hand on her shoulder and told the other two girls in a rather impolite manner to piss off, which they did after throwing me a dirty look. Troy quickly dispersed the crowd, while I helped up the fallen girl. "What was that all about?" I asked her as she clambered to her feet.
"It was nothing, don't worry about it, they just thought I'd stolen something from them." Stolen something? Bit of a steep accusation wasn't it?
"You sure you'll be ok? Do you want me to - "
"I said I'm FINE!" she snapped at me, promptly pushing me away then storming off with her books. I must have been staring after her in such a bemused manner before Troy interrupted my reverie by clobbering me over the back of the head with his heavy maths book. "Snap out of it Kase, let's get to class." Casting a final look at her retreating back, I headed towards my English classroom. What a way to start the day.

Somewhere

In broken cities where
The streets are lined with glass
The streets are lined with glass
In broken cities fair

In broken cities cold
Children are left to die
Children are left to die
In broken cities sold

In broken cities here
We fight for every breath
We fight for every breath
In broken cities fear

Where'd You Go [Revised]

Chorus.
Where'd you go
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone

V1.
I struggle to find the right words for this
How do I tell someone just how much that I miss
The every little thing, that they did or said
That made me feel like I had the fairytale from books I read
Believe me, I never thought I could push you away
For trying so hard to impress you with the words I could say
The person that I could fake, could never replace
What you gave to this mistake, this one you erased
I find myself trying to stay by the phone
Hoping for a call in the times I feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot, hoping and praying
For something that'll never happen, not in this life that I'm staying

Bridge.
So, I want you to know, I'm a little broken up
Being stuck here waiting, at times debating
Asking you if you've forgiven me, or simply forgotten
But either way, it's too late now, and I'm singing

Chorus.
Where'd you go
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone

V2.
You know, this person I used to be
Used to fake my way to gains just for me
Used to change who I was, just to get some attention
Not once thinking I'd left with nothing but a confession
Of my faults and my flaws, every single lost cause
Stuttering and mumbling excuses to mocking applause
Trying to pick it back up, then the final straw fell
Now you've left and I'm here, nothing more left to tell

Bridge.
So, I want you to know, I'm a little broken up
Being stuck here waiting, at times debating
Asking you if you've forgiven me, or simply forgotten
But either way, it's too late now, and I'm singing

Chorus.
Where'd you go
I miss you so
Seems like it's been forever
That you've been gone

Track Twenty-six

"These hammers and strings
Have been following me around"

Jack's Mannequin

Welcome to the Window. It's been a long time since I last added a track to this compilation, so I thought I'd better resume.
Letting go is always easier said than done. For some, it's simply a matter of dumping that girl or boy they've been going out and hooked up with too many times. For others, it's leaving behind something that's not meant to be lost. I sometimes too easily say to people who've just lost a friendship that they should "learn from it, let it make you stronger, and you have better friends around anyway". When it came to me though, I found myself thinking, "Ah yes, right, I'm about as clueless and helpless as a... a... thing that's very clueless and helpless."
There's only so long you can really sit around in pools of regret and pity, but let's face it, the faster you get out the better right? Perhaps wrong, these pools get quite comfy.
So, in short, all I wanted to say was make sure you can walk the walk, and not just talk the talk, and yes, you can take it from me, because I do that all the time. Or not.

Smile =] and take it easy

Begin To Finish

Five.
Hopefully, one day
You'll forgive me for
Everything I caused
To go wrong for you

Six.
One day, you'll speak again
To me, the words that were
The words that said it all
Making my day brighter
Than these dry, dying thoughts

Seven.
Meanwhile, while I fake the smile
That everyone longs to see,
Believe I don't hide inside
It's a quiet hill with you
Words rarely spoken twixt us
Without you though, the quiet kills

Eight.
I never thought that my efforts
Could open up a part of you
Which would let me into your life
And was I right? So very right
The doors to you were closed for me
While others entered seamlessly
Left outside, knowing how I failed

Cue Music.
Koishikute

Slip Away

Scrawled on a scrap a paper
Sliver of a whispered secret
Smokey as haze, the tear's vapour
Sighing with the weight of a heartbeat
Step into the sky, words be your stairs
Swirling higher, higher till clouds
Stain my sight, hiding disrepair
Still walking onwards, in silence so loud

As every moment creates a life
Another passes on, clinging desperately
Angst fighting its way slowly through strife
Awash with thoughts only you knew could be
At the peak of realisation is reached
Acidic memories melt away every sorrow
Abused, beaten, till the doors are breached
Again you fall, awaking in yesterday's tomorrow

Run Away

Could I please
Just flee this day
Escape this coming night
Look in my eyes
My heart's on it's knees
Waiting for you to say
I can just run from sight
I'll run as the crow flies
Straight to nowhere
Where I began
Could I please
Just run away

Fade To Grey

Willing everything to crumble
Heavy thoughts rising tonight
In fear, and shame I fumble
This very life I live, I'll fight
Even as I fade to gray

Bringing hope, possibility
Leave despair at the door
Another rise in ability
Could it be, I can be more?
Knowing this, I fade to gray

Chapter Three

The day passed quicker than I anticipated, all the classes seeming like a blur. Although I had crumpled it up and thrown it into my bag, my mind kept refreshing the image, constantly bringing the face up with the fleeting snapshot my eyes had registered of the girl in the hallway. Why had I drawn her? What was going wrong with me?

School had ended, and as Troy and I walked towards the street where our houses lived side by side, I was still thinking about the picture, head bowed in concentration, rotating it over and over as Troy babbled on about "this babe who was so totally digging him", and then entered an extravagant descriptive rant on her appearance. Same old Troy, same old interests.

Our street was one of the most fortunate and beautiful in the district. Why, you ask? Well, firstly, it was lined with large maple trees which, now in autumn, turned the street into a living sea of golden red. Then there was the park at the end of the street, with a large grassy hill overlooking the rows of houses. In the daytime, especially during summer, the hill was washed with sunlight, creating the perfect picnic spot. Sunset was the most spectacular, for the sun falls behind the hill, making it the most breathtaking place to both see from afar and be. However, not many of the street's residents knew of this hidden treasure, with most of them too busy with their careers and studies. Typical, never pay attention to the finer details which create the surviving happiness in a being.

Turning the corner into our street, Troy suddenly stopped walking and talking. At first I didn't notice, until the quietness of my own footsteps registered in my mind. I looked up and behind me to ask him why he'd stopped. Instead of a verbal response, he simply lifted his hand and pointed to the far end of the street, to a figure with long amber hair, flowing in the soft wind. The figure was facing the hill, and in that instant, the sun began to set behind the hill, casting brilliant rays across the street, and illuminating the figure in front of me. It was an image I still carry with me in my minds eye to this day.

I turned back to Troy, only to my surprise he was right next to me, staring as well. "It's that girl!" he said in hushed tones, almost fearful of ruining the moment.
"So what?" I growled, knowing very well what he was hinting. Yet again though, in the place of saying something, he took a physical approach, and began to quickly shove me in the girl's direction. Loudly protesting, I was steadily herded towards her, desperately trying to escape Troy's long reach. Before long, we reached a point a few metres behind the girl, and with a final heave, Troy sent me stumbling, almost crashing into her. Waving his arms at the girl in shooing motions, I knew he was telling me to talk to her. I was already to close to just sheepishly leave, so summoning up my courage, I took a deep breath and said...

Drums Me

Kick the solid bass in
Just one more time
Strike that snare, grin
As beat meets rhyme
High-hat keep within
My set limits of time
Let it flow, this din
Son of music's crime
Build up steady, now bring
Toms, of thunder, remind
Now cymbals, begin
Loudest crash, softest ride
Moving mountains within
Rolling in fullest pride
Kick the bass in
Just one more time

Offset

Come with me
From time to time, there seems to be never enough
White noise to block out the thousand sounds
Calling out to me, constantly weakening my bluff
Till all comes crashing down, yet again, all around
Sit here with me and watch the scene unfold
Everything echoing a thousand times louder
When the single tear falls as you break cold
Your emptiness reveals itself in power
Frequencies lower than the deepest valleys
Higher than all imaginable heights, they bleed
Into your mind-frame, twisting away at the debris
And as it all blends together, one lonely silent plea
I'm losing hope as the world turns with my life in its hands
Torn one way by this, another by that, yet still with you
Watching you slowly break me, it was never part of my plans
But it happens anyway, and now you won't relent, it's true
I should never have tried to bleed it out to or for you
Mistaken I was, and maybe still am, for trying to save
What I was with you, and hopefully forgive too
These cuts and bruises, my scars of this wreckage I braved
Give me a reason to change, and maybe I'll try it
Every little thing has failed so far, I won't deny it
So if this is the cure for me, to break this pain so quiet
Then the consequences I'll face, even if it tears me to bits
Perhaps you'll see, that nothing could ever break me like you
As this ruined earth turns each day, bringing troubles new
Like before, yes, when you break I'll take the blame
And your hollow tears, not fallen for me, will be my pain

[I'm losing hope]

When The Wind Blows

Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all

Rock-a-bye baby, listen to me
I've kept this secret, so carefully
When my heart breaks, this secret will stay
And I'll stay by your side, till break of day

Rock-a-bye baby, it's quiet now
Your tears have mingled, with mine on the ground
Hand in your hand, walking so slow
We'll cross into sunrise, hopes left below

Time With You

Praying for the weather
Always to shine for us
Reviving time together
Knowing it's the trust

When we lie there quietly
In the sun or the shade
Time flies too fast, it fights me
Hiding away the hours we made

Yesterday was a month ago
Only twenty-four hours or so
Under the sun. Wait till tomorrow

Closer You Are

I thought that
Every inch closer
Was every mile less
Between us
Another minute
To hold you

Unknown to me
Was that the closer
You were, it made it
All the more harder
To see you
With failing eyes

But with these
These failing eyes
I watched you leave
Disappear into the dark
And with these
These failing eyes

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

*Inspired by the song*

Autumn

The leaves bleed red
Every second getting nearer
To the day of the fall

It's a beautiful day to forget
Although in memory it's clearer
This day to lose it all

In May I wrote this set
Of words she'll never hear
That month of the fall

Gotcha

There's never anything quite like
Rhyming with a cunning spike
Instant shock, as words ignite
Craving minds and thoughts alike
Kissed from lips of cheek and spite
Embossed by wit as black as night
Running through a world of plight
Yet still so loved, both wrong and right

The Root

This is not just another simple tale
Heaped with words, meaningless, devoid of soul
Every letter printed in this entails
Reflections of thought, both the new and old
Earnest, each cast lovingly from the mind's mould

Slowly crafted for hours of endless night
Heavy with the day's countless beads of thought
At long last, this phrase stands ready for flight
Leaving the mind, every bead firmly caught
Lest it slip, and never reach the paper port

Now traversing through the nervous highway
Entwined with stress, joys and wordless feelings
Veering gently to the fingertips bay
Etches its sketch upon the skin ceiling
Relaying the message for the pen's revealing

Begin at last! This story of a Life
Encapsulated with such hope and strife

As bleeding ink makes contact with the pad
New worlds arise and fall in seconds mere
Of nature, life and hate this author glad
To release into words, his every fear
Haltingly, heavily, smooth and lightly
Ever changing syllables, for quietly
Reasons to confess often come nightly

Slipping through the silent static swiftly
To try and touch the tip of time and trust
Over all obstacles of obliquely
Ridged wretched rhythms reddening with rust
Yielding yesterday's hope-yearning youth

Line by line, stroke by stroke the pen will fall
In time with music conducting the hand
Knitting brokenness with ink drawn from all
Eternal dreams, weaved from a crumbling land

My story never will have a brother
In similarities or views akin
Not a simple tale of just another
Ergo my story ends here, so long. Fin.

[There Shall Never Be Another Story Like Mine]

Chapter Two

First impression isn't really the best way to describe what I received from her. First indentation is more like it. She ran around the corner into me so fast that she left her elbow mark in my chin. As I helped her pick up her books, which were scattered far and wide from our collision, she kept apologising profusely.

"I'm so sorry, I really am, it's just that I have to get to maths right now, and I've been late every single class! Sorry sorry sorry!"

Then, before I knew it, she was gone again, running down the corridor at ten to the dozen. It all happened within the space of ten seconds, and all I remembered was a whirl of amber coloured hair and a pair of large hazel eyes. Nothing really to grab my attention, after all going to a co-ed school has it's fair share of girls and a pair of pretty eyes isn't uncommon.

"Kason! Hurry up man, or else you'll be late to class!" My best friend Troy walked up to me and nudged me with his elbow. "So, you going to tell me who she was? Eh? Eh?"
"Yeah, I'll tell you when I find out for myself," I said with a chuckle, "We didn't exactly talk much, as you might've seen."
"Looked good enough time for me, in that short space of time I would've gotten her number just like that!" he said, snapping his fingers to accentuate his point. All I did was laugh along with him as we walked to our first period of the day, maths. I hate maths, plain and simple. As we stepped into our classroom I was already dreading the lesson to come. Anyone up for a nice big helping of trigonometry? No? Didn't really think so.
As usual, Troy and I took the seats to the far left, next to the window which overlooked the school car park. A few times, when the teacher had left temporarily, we would grab all our books, climb out the window and skip the rest of the school day. This became a regular little habit until we got caught. Big time. By our parents.
"Trigonometry!" began Mr Lester, "This is a perilous journey, not for the faint of heart! I trust you are all well equipped, with your pencils of power! Your erasers of elegance! And finally, your -"
"- Minds of magic." the whole class monotonously recited. As you can see, we're a happy bunch in Mr Lester's excel maths class. He began writing on the board, with a few students scribbling madly on their pads to take down every single note. Most of the others, like Troy, read and tried to decipher his scrawl, while one student, a.k.a yours truly began to draw in his maths book. Which, for your reference, didn't have a single maths note in it, but a whole heap of little sketches and the likes. Maths notes were crumpled loose leaf sheets of paper genius given to me by my tutor, a brilliant uni student who came up with foolproof ways of learning maths.
I started to draw, except this time, I began drawing a face. That was odd, I only drew cars and weird random monsters, but this morning seemed different. The face began to take shape, a graceful jawline, small rounded ears and long flowing hair. Then came the features. A set of heart shaped lips, elegant nose, and finally, the large, innocent eyes. As I finished the final details of shading, it occurred to me what I had just drawn. It was a portrait of the girl who had bumped into me before class. This was sufficient evidence to scare me, the thought "Am I a stalker or something?" running through my mind. Tearing out the page, I scrunched it up and threw it into my bag, deciding to pretend it hadn't happened.
Little did I know that the picture I had drawn held the key to the doors of my destiny in the coming year.

Chapter One

When we sat on this quiet hill, I promised you everything that came into my mind. Love, hope, a family, safety, wealth, I weaved every word till it looked like a fabric so tangible. We were young, oh so young weren't we? When you cried, it shattered my every thought, spurred my protectiveness of you, ready to fight anyone and everyone you wanted me to. You were everything to me weren't you? Do you remember the time, when we came up here on that hot summer day after school, and simply sat, held hands and watched the sunset? It was the fifth day after you found out the news. The damn news that made you cry so much, and shocked me speechless. I guess it was bound to happen at some point in time though. I missed you then, and I miss you now. Someday though, someday this hill won't be so quiet and lonely. It will be ours again, and we can watch the sunset... just one more time.

The young man took a final, fleeting glance at the setting sun. A shadow of desperation leaped into his eyes, pleading for something only he knew was missing. With a jagged sigh, he placed his hands in his pockets and slowly made his way down the gentle grassy slope, every step as painful as the next. As he walked, memories began to flood his mind, as they did every time he visited this place. Memories from the past, swirled with darkness and laced with the illusion of hope.

It's a quiet hill. It is. It wasn't.

Just a Pen

Needing a hand to hold
Heartfelt thoughts, unsure
Certain, shaky, unfold
At the tip of this pen
Words not heard before
Yet held deep within
The only gate to send
A simple, desperate phrase
The small, silver pen
Traveling through the ink

Track Twenty-five

Greater than a mountain
Stronger than the tide
Deeper than the ocean
It's our power to decide

Welcome to the Window. Euthanasia and abortion, two words not thrown around lightly these days, especially recently, with all the debates on their legalisation and such. Which is right, which is wrong, which embraces the true values of life, and which has the ability to end destroy it?

Let's start with euthanasia. For those who don't know what this is, it is the act of mercy killing to put it bluntly. Right or wrong? Do you think the power to take a life should be left in human hands? Is it really the equivalent of murder? More than anything, it is a great responsibility and a commitment of trust, literally with a life. For example, if your best friend was dying from cancer, and all that remained of their lives was two months filled with grueling therapy, pain filled hours of consciousness, sleep riddled with aches and agony. If this friend pleaded with you to inject them with an overdose of morphine for a painless death, would you do it? It's so easy, so simple, to think yes immediately, but to do it, to really follow through with it, that's a different story. You are taking the life of your greatest friend, who you want to spend as many final minutes with as possible. The ease of saying yes is there, yet the real complication lies in the application.

Abortion, the A word that seems so taboo for some. For me, personally, abortion is akin to murder. As one of my two best friends said, heartbeat develops after nine days. Is that not a living being? What if, however, the parents were drug addicts, or known abusers, or just plain bad people? What then? Do we simply say: "Oh yes, well, that's a different story! The child would be deformed, or have a horrible childhood." Let me tell you, the only people to determine whether or not someone's life is horrible or not is that person themselves and God. Yes, we live in a country built on the foundations of Christianity, thus bringing it up is completely relevant. Sure, they may have a horrible family, or live in despicable conditions. Then there's the possibility of being born mentally or physically handicapped. Well, why not think about it like this, instead of abortion before they're capable of even the slightest coherent and functioning thought, why not wait till they grow up and mature, then ask them if it's alright to end their lives so that they won't suffer. See if you don't get a distressed reaction from those who want to make something of their lives, regardless of the tribulations they're faced with.

From the very few people who read this blog, if any of you get offended by this content, I apologize. However, these are my views, and if you think otherwise, good for you, tell me, and I'll listen. On the other hand, if you simply want to have a stab and say that my opinion is biased and obscured, I suggest you keep your mouth shut. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all, just smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Everyone Is?

Miles away from home
In shoes now torn, I walked here
Slowly, ever slowly, alone
Silently, you'd never hear
I reached my place
No more left to face
Grasping at the straws of grace

Seemingly missing something
Or was it all illusion?
Moving despite everything
Ever through the confusion
Tell me, doctor, where's your cure
Help's coming fast, you say
I can't know for sure
Now please, just for this day
Give me the rest I need

If everyone is
No one isn't
Something remains
In the quiet corner
Despite no one to mourn her
Ever moving forwards, for words

[Every thought spilled out. The music sheet soiled from the leaking pen. Till another day, perhaps]

Jar of Simplicity

It's left on the shelf
Far too often
Pushed behind all we know
Every box of knowledge
Countless cans of advice
They all conceal
What is needed most
In this crazy life I live
All I need
Is that jar of beautiful,
Neglected simplicity

[The cupboard doors lie on their hinges. The shelves empty. Where's the jar?]

Track Twenty-four

Simplicity is marvelous. Really, to watch a cloud slip across a clear blue sky is pure bliss. Well, not all the time, granted, but it's truly calming.

Welcome to the Window. Drawing and painting is a real skill that some people have naturally, or developed over a long period of time and hard work. Da Vinci spent over ten years drawing individual limbs of the human body, day after day, to perfect his form. Others are just plain talented, and could give Leonardo a run for his money. Today, I saw some pieces of art which really set my mind thinking. Not because they looked really deep and intriguing, but because I couldn't figure out what obscure lens the artist or creator was wearing over his eyes. In all honesty, some of the portraits, paintings and sculptures looked like a five year old had been trusted with a paint set and clay.

Then it occured to me: I probably couldn't produce anything much better could I? Really makes one eat the old words of criticism before they slip off the tongue.

Simple post today. Smile =]

Take it easy.

Creased

You see this piece
Of paper you left?
It's so plain, nothing
Written on it, clean
All except for
One single sliver
One single crease
Runs down the centre
Do you see
What you left behind

I Miss You, Don't Come Back

V1.
It's a silent hill when the view is gone
So much time to kill, when the talk is done
Question after question, queuing in my mind
I know, it's not much, but it's keeping me alive

V2.
"Welcome home," she said, "my dearest friend."
"I've missed you so, from start to end."
As she hugs you, deep inside, you're so confused
Does she mean it, or does she hide the truth

Chorus.
This old piano's falling to pieces, made from ash, falling to dust
Play a note, the key crumbles, and the string snaps from rust
Not since you left, has it been played a single note
Sleepless now, I remember every song that I wrote
My heart needs a song for the beating
A dream when I'm sleeping, my restless sleeping

V3.
Crying to sleep, it's so pointless you know
Nothing's achieved, when you cry for tomorrow
Tomorrow when it comes, it's not as great
When you wanted it, yet everywhere else is fake

Chorus.
This old piano's falling to pieces, made from ash, falling to dust
Play a note, the key crumbles, and the string snaps from rust
Not since you left, has it been played a single note
Sleepless now, I remember every song that I wrote
My soul needs a reason to stay here
A life to believe in, to know hope is near

Silver Lining

Lying here
This grassy hill
Staring at the sky
That blue, blue sky
Nothing's brighter
Shining higher
Than the sun
That blessed sun

Moving slowly
Crawling through
A single cloud
That lone, white cloud
Scarring the blue sky
Hiding my sun
That blue, blue sky
That blessed sun

The scarring cloud
That smothers light
Shadowed in the day
Isn't it nice to know
Its lining
Is silver
Isn't it nice to know

Deck Of Cards

V1.
Diamonds, what I promise you
Red, the rust that I bleed
Reflected in the diamond's hue
I'll be your every need

V2.
Spades, how I'll rescue you
Blackened with the sweat and tears
Unearth every worry new
I'll save you from your fears

Chorus.
Play me right, deal me out
Shuffle to your heart's content
Scatter every part of me now
Till every card is torn and bent
Just don't lose a single card
Just don't lose a single card

Build me up, hide me away
Leave me in the dust
Crease each one, trick, elude
Till every card is stripped of trust
Just don't lose a single card
Just don't lose a single card

V3.
Clubs, how I'll defend you
Burnt black strength, hardened in fire
Never again, need safety new
I'll guard you with my life

V4.
Heart, all I have to offer you
The sad, harsh reality
Red with life, yet ever true
Ever loved, you'll always be

Track Twenty-three

It's the start of a new month, the end of a week, the middle of distress and I'm still not sure where I am.
Welcome to the Window. What do you call it when you watch someone else in your life always steal the limelight, always be one step better than you, and you can't help but resent them slightly for it? Could it be jealousy? Yep, sounds a lot like jealousy. There's always going to be a time or instance, where you'll try your hardest to live up to the expectations and levels that you know and believe will be significant to someone you care for, and then another person will coast through without even trying, and impress to no ends. Where does it really leave all the efforts you made? It's at this point, where different tips and advice are all handed out from left right and centre, some telling you to keep trying, and those urging you to move on and try something else. What to do? Let's see, you may as well give up trying, it's been done, and better than you could ever dream of achieving. As for moving on and trying something else, what if this was the culmination of all you ever wanted? Are you really just going to move on? I don't think so. You wouldn't settle for anything less than you know is your true destiny. It's at this stage that I find myself. I'm at a fork in the road, only thing is they both lead me to nowhere. Of course, I could sit and wallow in my self pity, but I'd rather not.

To us, when we see others being jealous of someone else, we sometimes tend to laugh at them, or maybe sympathise. Understand, that when you know that another person is better than you and going for the same goal, it's impossible to not feel even the slightest hint of jealousy. What sparks that jealousy even more is if they're not heading towards the same trophy that you are, but the prize simply seems to land in their laps. Here, the terminology "burning with jealousy" really rings true. Painfully so.

When you're jealous, it hurts you. More than you could imagine to begin with. Frustrating isn't it? Literally an unfixable situation. Yes, you can say to yourself: "At least I can do this!" but let's be honest, will "this" really get you anywhere? Sure, it might, but will it get you where you want to be?

Only thing left to do is grit your teeth, bear the pain, and smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Dedication

Standing for all I ever need
Overseeing my every mistake
Place my heart within, and heed
Her every word, thus wise choices make
In my world, no wrong turn left to take
Each step guided, and guarded in wake

I now can hope for coming days
Surely loved in every way

Clearly seeing, thoughts unmarred
Only sunlight shining through
Only now I live unbarred
Living with the thoughts of you

Promise

I

Persevere long after all is gone
Regarding not my state of mind
Over again, slipping all a long
Missing the right steps in kind
I
See my mistakes following behind
Even though my heart is blind

[I lie. I grasp at strings. I cover the truth. I promise]