"If I've learned anything from this; It would all be gone, it would all be gone." Unfortunately, being me, I don't learn certain things very well.
Welcome to the Window. Sitting in my chair, I'm currently not in the best of conditions. I wish to be something, someone different, and yet at the same time, wouldn't change a thing about my life. Why must I choose to be so damn complicated? Why can't I be like some stupid jock and not care about anything, anyone else but the next party and the next opportunity to get a screw? I'm sick of the wrong people getting things that others deserve. I'm sick of being such a pathetic existence of a person, not knowing whether I'd be good enough for a girl, or be bold enough to ask her out. I'm especially sick of just being so weak, even though for the most part, I put on the tough facade. Can't I just be normal? Maybe then I'd be a better candidate to go out with.
In the past, I'd try change who I am to grab the attention of someone I liked, or try to find ways and means to humour them, make them smile, laugh, happy, and in doing so, maybe reciprocate my feelings for them, and realise what I felt. In the process, however, I lost too much, and luckily, realised it before it was too late. So, I try the "just be me" approach. Nothing really works.
This term, I've been getting pretty good grades at school. Ok, they're really good grades. But why? Why only this term? Because I've needed a way to run away from everything. I don't want to run away from home, music and dance help me escape, but for only as long as I have time to listen to or do them. So I literally jump into my books, smother myself with a few maths equations, some bio homework to drown myself in. But when it's all done, and I sit, not lie, but sit in my bed till two or three in the morning, just thinking, what's there left to hide in? When I'm walking home from somewhere, and there's no one to talk to or anything to really distract me, where is there to hide?
What am hiding from though? Well, first, there's my life in general. Seriously, fuck all you wannabe emo's, you say your life sucks, yet you have no fucking clue what it's really life for your life to suck. Your parents didn't give you that ipod or new phone, or they ask you to do a chore, and suddenly your fucking world ends. Your girlfriend or boyfriend dumps you after three months. Wow. Get some damn perspective in your life. You want emo? Get a fucked up family, a fucked up situation, and a fucked up mind, THEN and only then, come and tell me your emo problems.
What else is there for me? Ah yes, the typical girl problems that every young man faces in his life. For me, this isn't just some crush though. When it comes to girls, I really do fail badly. I wish I didn't think so far into the future sometimes, but it's because of that, I don't have enough guts or self esteem to ask a girl out. So, the very few girls I happen to like, I always watch get with someone else. It's quite sad and pathetic, yes, but what to do right?
Ah, I'm tired of being so frustrated, I'm finished for the night. Remember, =] more.
Peace out everyone.
Studio B
- Mark
- When you need to wake up in the morning, and set the right mood for the day, when you need to escape from the overwhelming everything of life. What do you turn to? How do you describe your core without speaking aloud, without having to talk to someone about it? This is how. Music. Lyrics. Poetry. Do you feel it? Do you? It's here, it's everywhere, locked within you, within the most tone deaf of us. It's begging to be released, become unleashed in a tearing chord, a crying melody, soulful harmony, dying lyric. You feel it yet? It's concealed here, within every word that I write. This is my release. I want you to see it, to feel it with me. This pure expression of every tangible and imaginable emotion known and unknown to man. To me. Welcome to The Window.