The Last, The Lost, The Least - Relient K

Live a life of privilege
Pushing back the last, the lost
The least of these
To dull the edge of concscience
With conceit

Live a life and see the world
Feel its weight on the shoulders
Of the least of these
It spins and twirls
Without rest or relief

Track Twenty-two

It's another bullshit attempt
At something that I'll fail over again
Yet again, it's treated with contempt
And I'll wait here for the consequential rain

Welcome to the Window. Why do some people constantly try over and over again to achieve their goals? Is it sheer desperation, the need to prove themselves, or the real want to accomplish the task? For me, it's more stupidity than anything else. I don't learn from previous mistakes very well unfortunately. My method is along the lines of: "Place head in paper bag. Run towards goal." The worst part about this style is when you run into something that's not gonna budge. Slightly painful. What's your style? Smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Realisation

To travel so far, simply searching
For what I have become
Crossing waters, with fears lurking
Far below the surface calm

Looking down, all there is to see
Is what I missed all along
Staring into eyes, still haunting me
My former self, now lost to wrong

Yet here I stand, no longer blind
Walking on waters still
So much achieved, all to find...

I am whatever I want to be

Crucial

V1.
If every thought was a note
And the pen, pure imagination
Blood, sweat, tears for paper
Every bar you write
Crucial.

V2.
If every wish was a song
and the artist, sheer inspiration
Love, longing, for paper
Every bar you write
Crucial.

V3.
If every life was a gift
And the giver, your own decisions
Hope the wrapping paper
Every card you write
Crucial.

Track Twenty-one

"We had a real chance to change our description"

Notorious B.I.G

Welcome to the Window. People frequently ask me, do I enjoy being so different to everyone else? Do I like the fact that I stand out? Well, frankly, yes I do. I enjoy it because it's who I am, I refuse to let other people change who I am. Yes, I'm constantly presented opportunities to just slip into the regularity of what I'm expected to be, but if everyone did that, then some people would definitely have trouble with their identities and lives, who they socialise with, etc. You read stories and watch movies about how so and so went on a trip to wherever or around the world, in an attempt to find their true identity, and connect with their inner selves. Truth to be told, that is a load of rubbish, and sorry to all of you who actually believed that and I unknowingly insulted you. You don't need to waste thousands of dollars traveling from coast to coast, country to country. The harsh reality of finding your true self is to simply wake the hell up from your go with the flow attitude, and come to terms with what you really are. Take eccentrics for example. They are truly being themselves, not afraid to show it, and not afraid to take whatever kind of comments the world might hurl at them. Geeks, nerds, geniuses, all of them seem like freaks to us, because they have something that we don't, something that may not be considered normal, and so they get labelled all sorts of cruel names. At the end of the day however, it's impossible to not have a grudging respect for them at least, for their God given talent or the height to which they worked so hard to achieve. Sure, they wander around the school, all hunch backed, looking really odd, but at least they're not pretending to be something that they're not. At least they are happy with what they are.
Everyday, we cover up, at least partially, what we truly are. I'll admit to doing it myself, but that's the first step that's harder than the rest of the route. When you acknowledge that you have a problem, you've taken the first step to fixing it.
I just realised that most of this probably doesn't make coherent sense, so I'll leave it here. Smile =]

Peace out.

Track Twenty

Why is it that some people can't read? It's like the people who turn right when it clearly says "No Right Turn", or that idiot who constantly tries to push a door open when it says "Pull". Surely, people, surely man isn't that dumb?
Welcome to the Window. Now, for those of you who read my "about me" section, for God's sake, read it thoroughly. I ask you not to judge me, and not make yourself sound and look like an absolute tool. I'm not fake, not an imitation, not a "wannabe" or a poser. How much clearer can I make myself.
For those of you who actually have a problem or any issues with my blog, please, by all means, send me a message, email me, call me, tell me to my face, however you want to do it. This is beyond a joke, if you can't summon up the courage to actually say it to the person, then keep it to yourself. And for those of you with these opinions with an iota, a tiny fraction of intelligence who've realised that their issues regarding this blog are stupid and petty, congratulations, you're on your way to getting a diploma in life skills, so smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

So Long

Half of what I used to be
Yet wanting twice as much
Wishing on stars too bright
Complacency rescue me
Save me from thoughts as such
Rock me to sleep tonight
Every sound now what I see
Hurting at the slightest touch
What's happening to me, this night
Crying out, an empty plea
Words to heal, I long to clutch
Tell me when I'll be alright

Running (Dying To Live)

You know, I wonder if they'll laugh when I'm dead...
Why am I fighting to live
If I'm just living to fight?
Why am I trying to see
When there ain't nothing in sight?
Why am I trying to give
When no one gives me a try?
Why am I dying to live
If I'm just living to die?

Tupac Shakur

Track Eighteen

The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoia's brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety

Black Eyed Peas ft. Papa Roach

Welcome to the Window. Thinking nights tend to suck. Very badly. I mean, it's hard for a mind to function properly with only three hours sleep no? And when you're constantly plagued by thoughts that you know will drive you insane, watching yourself being brought to your knees by the anxiety and paranoia is even worse.
I noticed something really odd. For the last three days I haven't done any dancing at all. I honestly don't know why, I just haven't really felt the want to just jam. For me, this is a disturbing development. Music hasn't felt the same as it has, I can't feel the rhythm, the beat as well as I could, I can't lose myself in it.
Lord please, please, please, take away my anxiety.

Take it easy everyone, smile =]

Track Seventeen

I noticed from a photo my friend took yesterday, that I happen to have this one really massive neck muscle. Yes, I thought that was a necessary piece of information to share with everyone. Now I have, you all know a bit more about me.
Welcome to the Window. It's one of those days, where the sun was shining, not a cloud in sight, and then it starts to piss rain. Speaking of which, why is it that rain falling resembles sadness? "The sky is crying with me, mirroring my emotions." Hahaha, no offense, but the sky couldn't give a shit about your emotions. I love the rain, the wind, dark weather, all the weather that emo people like to reflect their pain with. Unfortunately though, in my eyes, the rain shows a change, the washing away of the day's problems. Wind brings a sharp slap in the face to tell you to snap out of your self depressing state, and dark weather is just dark. That's all. End.
Hypocricy is on the verge of everyone's lips. You can deny it, you can accuse someone of it, regardless of how much you may try defend yourself of being a hypocrite, you are one, and every defensive word leaving your mouth simply digs your grave even deeper. Best move I'd say is just keep your mouth shut.
So, as a result of this epiphany, I will end here. "It's so totally the bad weather. Rain is my pain flowing."

Haha smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Amazing Grace [Revised]

V1.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch, like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

V2.
Let time and sun, stand still for all
And rains, come wash away
Such fears I've seen, and heal my soul
To see the new dawn's day

V3.
Endure, my heart, the weary load
Till grace comes saving me
I will not rest, and hope unfold
Stand strong for fears to be

V4.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
To souls as torn as mine
I once was broken, now I've found
The healing words of time



[Just a quick note, this song is one of the greatest ever written. It was composed by John Newton, who was formerly a slave trader in the 1700s. I ask that those of you who don't like the song, both original or my version, to keep your opinions to yourselves, and not be disrespectful of the power of this song.

Take it easy everyone.]

Track Sixteen

I am a little bit of loneliness
A little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everybody can see these scars
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you
To just believe this is real

Linkin Park

Welcome to the Window. Has anyone ever felt like if they suddenly left, simply disappeared, that their presence wouldn't be missed? I know I do. It's not hard to slip into that mentality. Add a little bit of disregard, a touch of brokenness, a smattering of fragility, and it's more than enough to make anyone want to just get away. Sometimes though, in the midst of our deepest fear and despair, we have to think beyond our narrowed scope. We have to think about who we're leaving in our wake. There's that little colloquial phrase: "My two cents worth". Two cents is hardly anything. These days, you can't buy a single thing for two cents. Well, let's throw it into perspective. If you're part of something, and your two cents adds to other people's two cents to make a dollar, you all use that dollar for a common goal, a unified wish. However, when you take away your two cents, only ninety-eight cents is left, and that goal can't be achieved, and only your two cents can complete it. We may think, in our darkest moments, that we won't be missed, that our legacy will be forgotten or easily replaced, but it can't be. The piece of the puzzle, the two cents that you possess can't be replicated or substituted for anything less or more. To think of others in our own pain is near impossible, but it's something that we have to do, regardless of the excruciation.
Sometimes, facing the source of our pain isn't the ultimate challenge. Facing ourselves, the greatest fear of seeing what we really are, is the real challenge. To confront our inner turmoil is harder than any feat performable by mankind. The day we face ourselves down, that is the day that we can truly be free, truly feel bliss. Smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Wakeless

V1.
Sleep has come, the blessed close
Yet peace will not arrive
Eluding, mocking, daring to oppose
The steady flow, quick to connive
Wakeless in September, sleeping anguishedly

V2.
"Say you'll love me when I wake"
Yearning words, they're oh so cliche
Every time they leave lips, so fake
Testing ties beyond concious melee
Wakeless in September, sleeping tearfully

V3.
Slipping through the static
Yesterday simply white noise
Each memory slowly fading, systematic
To the rise and fall of breath, no more voice
Wakeless in September, sleeping hopefully


[Wakeless. Till. Every. Yesterday. Subsides]

Sleepless

V1.
Eyes awake, mind wide open
The air is still, the breeze is silent
Shaking hand, is the only motion
Left in this night, such lonely movement
Sleepless in September, cry the night away

V2.
Every innovation failing
Time is waiting, not for me
Serving none, taking all prevailing
Less of me remains, could I be
Sleepless in September, watch the night away

V3.
Evening came, and left me here
Turned to dark, so soon, too fast
Slipped away, now dawn is near
Lies awake, my trembling heart
Sleepless in September, till the break of day


[Every. Time. Someone. Lies. Sleepless.]

I Am

V1.
Sitting here, waiting for the train
My final train, to get me away
From this place, these hopes and dreams
That never existed, figments I made
Of my desperate imagination
Clinging to the impossible
Wishing always, for more
And yet afraid of the line uncrossable
Now here, the next train to come
Not for hours, hours on end
Leaving me here, with thoughts undone
Thoughts undone? All of you, dear friend

V2.
Open the eyes of clouded thought
Dreading every waking moment
If, by chance, it was me who caught
You, would you love me, past and present?
Each fear I have of countless hours
Racing away from me
I hide inside of self, no power
Keeping each secret dear to thee
After all is said and done
When the train has finally left
I still sit and wait, at the station
For you, my friend, with baited breath

[The words become harder and harder to write, in the knowledge that the work's intended reader, will never set eyes upon it. Till another day, another day.]

Track Fifteen

You were nonchalant, strong, and unaffected
And you never wanted me to be there
I never saw your heart, that's how close you kept it
So right now I'm so unsure how to care

Jordin Sparks

Welcome to the Window. I'm really groggy right now, haven't been sleeping much recently, so my thoughts here may be really incoherent. Feeling pretty empty at the moment. I don't want to go out, I don't want to do anything really. Just, nothing.
I have a question for you. When you're the one people turn to for help, and are looking to for support, who or what do you have to turn to when you need it yourself? You'll find that to those "friends" who turned to you, you were nothing more than a towel for them to rub their tears off onto. Yes, I'm back on the whole using friends issue. I can't stand it. I'm stuck here, with no idea what to do. I suppose I should take my own advice, but it's always easier to prescribe the medicine to someone, than take it yourself right?

Smile =]

Take it easy everyone.

Track Fourteen

Welcome to the Window. I hate it when my heart misses a beat. Every time it does, time stands still, and everything is quiet. Usually, this sort of thing happens for a good reason right? Sort of. Tonight, it happened.
Doctor, doctor, help me.
Smile everyone =]

Take it easy.

Track Thirteen

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

Coldplay

Welcome to the Window. You know what sort of situation really gets to me? The type where you want to talk to someone, but you're too scared. You're scared because you're afraid of failing, so hard that you can't repair it. But somehow, at one point, I managed to mask it up, and talk. As a consequence, I suppose I conveyed an image of someone totally different to what I really am. Which, in itself, is a really good thing, because it prevents people from just seeing an entire heap of rubbish right? The bad part, is that having such a cover makes the first impression that lasts a lifetime, and is usually never reversed. What to do right?
Right now, I find myself in a situation similar to the one mentioned above, with a few differences here and there. I want to talk to this person, but, as a friend to them, I feel like I've failed, over and over. I couldn't cut it to be able to support them, help them and be there for them when they needed someone, even though the odds of them actually turning to me were close to zero. I doubt, even after how much I tried, I made a slight indent in this friend's mind, let alone life. Yet again, what to do.
So, here I sit, wondering to talk to them or not. Frankly, I'm just afraid. I really am. Can only smile =] right?

Take it easy

Track Twelve

I don't want you to know, what I am
Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been in.

Relient k

Welcome to the Window. Right now though, if you look through the window, my guitarist is sick, my drummer has two broken feet, and my lead singer is lost. It's not the greatest situation, and I'm a mess. I can't write anything properly tonight, so, just smile more =]

Take it easy.

From the Inside - Linkin Park

Don’t know who to trust
No surprise
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies

Trying not to break
But I’m so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

I take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
‘Cause I swear
For the last time
I won’t trust myself with you

Tension is building inside
Steadily
Everyone feel sso far away from me
Heavy thoughts forcing their way
Out of me

I won’t trust myself with you
I won’t waste myself on you
Waste myself on you